The Slice: When you beg for brainwashing

OK, Thanksgiving has come and gone.

It’s officially Earworm season. Ho. Ho. Ho.

Yes, Christmas music is now virtually inescapable out in public. Opinions vary about whether that poses a challenge to mental health. But one thing is certain. Earworms do.

You know, invasive snippets of songs that play over and over and over in your head. Even if you like the tune, that repetition can test your sanity.

For some reason, this relentless affliction seems especially pronounced at this time of year. Maybe it’s because, after hearing them year after year, these holly-jolly songs are acutely familiar.

So today The Slice offers a few home remedies for evicting the merciless yule music squatting on our minds.

These nullifying tactics are song-specific, but feel free to mix and match. Whatever works.

“Good King Wenceslas”: Eat hot peppers.

“Sleigh Ride”: Conduct a survey. When high school wrestlers are cutting weight, do members of their families wind up dropping a few pounds also?

“All I Want for Christmas is You”: Try counter-programming. Put on headphones and listen to some of your granddaughter’s favorite music.

“Linus and Lucy”: Distract yourself by seeing if you can name the last 10 chiefs of the Spokane Police Department.

“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”: Cover your ears and let loose with a primal scream.

“Holly Jolly Christmas”: Concentrate. Make a list of all the ways you have served lentils.

“Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”: Counter-programming 2. Delight friends or co-workers with a rousing rendition of “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.”

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”: Try to remember if you ingested any lead-based tinsel when you were a preschooler.

“Here Comes Santa Claus”: Chant the names of all 39 Washington counties.

“Little Saint Nick”: Challenge someone to spell hors d’oeuvres, insouciant and ubiquitous.

“Welcome Christmas”: Try to name all the streets in Spokane named after presidents.

“The Holly and the Ivy”: Cinch up your belt one notch too tight.

“Jingle Bell Rock”: Write a studded tires manifesto.

Joni Mitchell’s “River”: Try to pick up an 18-pound cat that has never before allowed itself to be hoisted, at least not by you.

“White Christmas”: Print out a list of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies and insert “marmot” in all the titles.

OK, your turn. Do you have a proven tactic for expunging Christmas song earworms? Please share.

Today’s Slice question: In the Inland Northwest, who tends to be friendlier to strangers – city people or rural people?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Deer have been known to eat a snowman’s nose.