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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Don’t wait: Pick your profile today

Before it’s time to get to it, you might want to identify your leaf-raking style.

Which are you?

Mr. October: “C’mon, gang! If we all pitch in and maintain an upbeat attitude, this will just take us seven or eight hours.”

Cider Sipper: “You missed a spot.”

Country Squire: “How do you like my new sweater?”

Resentful Raker: “Why do these trees do this to me every fall?”

Chore Boy: “Let’s see if I can wrap this up in five minutes.”

Waiting for the Wind: “Let’s do this thing, Mother Nature. Blow this mess into our neighbor’s yard.”

Apartment Dweller: “What, me worry?”

OCD: “I will not rest so long as there is even one leaf left in the yard, clinging to a tree branch or lingering in my feverish imagination.”

Mr. Spokane: “I don’t care what Gladys Kravitz over there says about me or my leaf blower.”

Kwai Chang Caine: “What happens to a tree’s leaves is already written.”

Foreman Father: “If you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to rake.”

Chief Brody: “You’re gonna need a bigger bag.”

Foliage Farmer: “C’mon. There’s work to be done.”

Skip: “If you think of it as getting ready for curling season, raking is more fun.”

Ramrod: “A bazillion maple leaves are kind of like a herd of cattle.”

Signs that you have stopped rockin’: A) You forget why the whole “Get off my lawn!” thing is funny. B) You repeatedly fall asleep in your chair while reading Bruce Springsteen’s book. C) Your mood is influenced to a remarkable extent by your gastrointestinal activity. D) You worry about forgetting to put the trash out. E) You say “Turn that down” at least once a day. F) You no longer recognize this month as Rocktober. G) Other.

Number of times The Slice has used the expression “intimate social congress” since 1996: 18.

Warm-up question: The National Hockey League season begins Wednesday. If you were to try to describe the appeal of the sport to a nonfan who says it is too hard to keep track of the puck and it’s all just ludicrous fighting anyway, what would you say (in 25 words or less)?

Today’s Slice question: Have you lived somewhere in the Spokane area where you saw magpies near your home all the time and also lived in a location hereabouts where you never saw magpies?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. On this date in 1963, the “Twilight Zone” episode titled “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” first aired.

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