The Slice: Imagine if we were a part of Oregon

Editor’s note: Paul Turner is taking some time off. In his absence, we’re diving into the archives here at Slice Central. Today, we revisit Aug. 14, 2004.

On this day in 1848, Congress made Oregon a territory. At that time, the woodsy spots on the map that would one day become Spokane and Coeur d’Alene were in Oregon. Makes you wonder how things might be different today if those boundaries hadn’t changed. Just imagine the battles over motorcycle helmet laws, beverage container deposits and college names.

A dozen reasons many people around here act as if insanely hot weather is a good thing:

12. They are afraid that, if they don’t behave that way, people will think they are fat.

11. It’s easier to take your mind off your troubles when you are wearing sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt.

10. Failure to recognize that they do not personally engage in water sports.

9. A few Spokane TV weather folks, obviously high on prescription pain-killers, still insist that 95 degrees is something to smile about.

8. Failure to grasp the concept that this is not the West Side and that hot, sunny summer weather isn’t exactly rare here.

7. They do it specifically to annoy me.

6. Embarrassing confusion over the whole perspiration/musk thing coupled with a serious misreading of what constitutes sexual attractiveness in humans.

5. It is a misguided overreaction to the laughable notion that we have especially rugged winters.

4. They finally bought air-conditioners last month and want to get their money’s worth.

3. There’s nothing like a heat wave for highlighting the fact that, behind those tattoos, nose rings and bare midriffs, this is a region of deep thinkers and sensitive souls.

2. Some people forget that they don’t actually have a lake place.

1. The heat has gotten to them and the poor fools just don’t know any better.

Warm-up questions: What movie can you watch over and over? What was the highlight of your karaoke career? Have you ever entertained little kids by scrutinizing their chalk art and playing the role of snooty critic? Does your workplace need a no-headphones policy? When a little kid mispronounces your dog’s name, are you tempted to start referring to your pet by that modified moniker?

Today’s Slice question: How do you explain Spokane’s seemingly special affection for restored classic automobiles?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; email pault@spokesman.com. One way to get conversation going is to announce what actors you would cast to play members of your family in a movie about your life.