The Slice: The fault is not in our stars

It has been more than a year since the last Slice Horoscope.

So perhaps you are in need of counsel from the only zodiac column written by someone you might encounter playing cards with marmots. It is guaranteed to be as accurate as any other astrological forecast.

Aries: Before you do anything else today, you need to decide.

Is Spokane big enough to offer all the cultural amenities you need without confronting you with the grinding social ills of larger cities? Or is it big enough to have all the problems of a major city but without the redeeming urban attractions?

Proceed accordingly.

Taurus: You have spent your life being smug about living in the Northwest and yet you are defensive about being in Spokane. Enough already. Think for yourself.

Gemini: Stay alert. Someone at some point today is apt to say to you, “Ya gotta love it.”

Be prepared to retort, “No, I don’t gotta.”

Cancer: You know those people whose voting tendencies make you slap your forehead in frustration? Well, it’s time to own it. Those voters can be found in your family.

Leo: Re-examine your belief that the power move in any business meeting is to be argumentative and obnoxious.

Virgo: Your persistent anger about people dressing casually in Spokane could be a cry for help. Consider getting some therapy.

Libra: Your plan to get Sir Mix-A-Lot to use your special Spokane lyrics at Pig Out when he does “Baby’s Got Back” seems a tad half-baked. Think again.

Scorpio: You are a good person. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sagittarius: Try to be a little bit better today than you were yesterday.

Capricorn: You don’t have to be rude about it. But when that person at your office who rhapsodizes about Spokane’s perfection starts in today, be ready with those sobering numbers on dropout rates, average incomes, educational attainment and percentage of residents on probation.

Aquarius: Today would be a good day to consider the beauty of the unexpressed thought.

Pisces: Everybody in Spokane knows. You’ve still got it going on. Approach today with confidence and panache.

Today’s Slice question: How many times do you expect to replenish your supply of trick-or-treat candy in the nine weeks before Halloween?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Fifty years ago this month, Glacier National Park experienced two fatal bear attacks (plus a separate mauling) on the same day in what came to be known as the “Night of the Grizzlies.”