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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: “It’s a-liiiiiiive!” (Holiday version)

There exist in certain Spokane area households little kids who believe that if they give the family Christmas tree enough water, it will live forever.

Even though that’s highly unlikely since the day it got chainsawed down.

So what do you do in the face of such childlike faith?

Consider distraction. The Slice recommends whispering the words “I know where the presents are hidden.”

And when that spell wears off, encourage the youth to fit foam reindeer antlers snugly on the family cat’s head. Be sure to have some Band-Aids handy.

The center of the universe isn’t a fixed point: Janet Culbertson was thinking about arriving at airports, and it reminded her of something she experienced when she worked as a flight attendant many moons ago.

“As we were preparing to land in Small Town, USA, my flying partners were criticizing the town and lack of anything to do on their layover.

“I went out into the cabin to do a final safety check and noticed a young Marine, dressed proudly in his uniform, tears streaming down his face as he looked out the window at his hometown.

“This was the late 1960s. I couldn’t imagine what this young Marine had been through in Vietnam and hoped that he would receive the welcome he deserved on that Christmas Day.

“And I never have and never will criticize small towns. After all, I was from Spokane.”

Actors and their roles: Bob Curry down in Endicott, Washington, shared this.

“My youngest child, born Oct. 30, was just the right age to pose as baby Jesus in the creche scene at the Christmas Eve Mass at Sacred Heart Church in Pullman in 1983. Nobody seemed to mind that her name is Theresa.”

Warm-up question: How do you look in a Santa hat?

A) Smokin’. B) Ridiculous. C) Miscast. D) Elfish. E) Festive. F) Foolish. G) Depends. Is that all I’m wearing? And do you mean now or when I was 22? H) Wassailed out of my mind. I) Like someone who belongs on “Spokane’s Most Wanted.” J) Seasonally beguiling. K) Mistletoed. L) Overserved. M) Other.

Today’s Slice question: I still wince when I recall absent-mindedly asking Barb Goldberg, a friend from high school, how her Christmas had been. That was in the mid-1970s when we both were in college. I knew she was Jewish, yet those words still tumbled out of my mouth. (She couldn’t have been more gracious about it.)

What’s your own example of holiday brilliance?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Some children regard the character-based pieces of a Nativity scene as action figures.

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