I believe I am required to begin this item in the following manner.
(Fans of the 2003 movie “Elf” will understand.)
I KNOW him!
Jerry Hilton shared this. “When our kids were in first and third grade we were in the mall and walking past the Santa area when Santa yelled ‘Hi, Jerry.’
“The kids’ eyes got real big and they said ‘Daddy, Santa knows you?’
“I shrugged and said, ‘Santa knows everybody.’ ”
That’s thinking on your feet, Jerry.
Santa was an intern working with him at the time.
Pro tip for the layman: “My advice, which has protected me during my early, mid and late years, is ‘Never pass up the opportunity to keep your mouth shut,’ ” wrote Bob Westmoreland, a retired Air Force officer.
We didn’t realize until we got our Christmas tree home and inside that hidden in its branches was …: “A nest of little insects ready to hatch,” wrote Nancy Kiehn.
She continued. “For several days after we decorated our Christmas tree, we noticed lots of tiny little bugs every morning, dead on the windowsills.”
There’s more. “When I looked at the branches, they appeared to be moving.”
In fact the branches were covered with what Nancy guesses was some sort of aphids.
Joy to the world!
“We had to carefully undecorate the tree and then use pruners to cut each branch from the tree and carry it outdoors.”
Which left them with a sort of organic Festivus Pole. But out that went, too.
“It was strange to have presents without a tree.”
You can almost imagine Linus weighing in. “I never did think it was a bad little tree.”
Just hideously infested. And if you are a true “Seinfeld” fan, you know what the TV inventor of Festivus had to say about infestation.
Pro tip from an infection control nurse: “Wash your hands,” wrote Sue Chapin.
Among her additional suggestions …“Keep your fingers out of your nose. If you must poke around in there, wash your hands before and after.”
“If you would not put your face directly on elevator buttons, doorknobs or other high-touch surfaces (you shouldn’t) then don’t touch those things with your hands and then touch your face.”
“Don’t put pencils, pens, etc, in your mouth. The last person who used them may not have washed their hands in a very long time.”
“If you can’t remember when you last washed your hands, it’s time to wash your hands.”
Today’s Slice question: Can you still love a person who dumps half a bottle of ketchup on his eggs?
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email email@example.com. Do you say “ketchup” or “catsup”?