Here are some of your frequently asked questions about 2017.
The Slice has volunteered to offer answers.
Q: Will this be the year I finally get in good shape?
A: Yes, absolutely.
Q: Is it too late to start saving for retirement?
A: No, not at all.
Q: Will this be the year my job gets replaced by an algorithm?
A: Don’t be silly.
Q: Will GU win the NCAA men’s basketball tournament?
A: No doubt about it.
Q: Will my family stay healthy this year?
A: Yes. Knock on wood.
Q: Will I finally stop swearing in 2017?
A: Oh, hell yeah.
Q: Will new businesses move to the Spokane area and thrive?
Q: Will I have any nightmarish dental appointments in 2017?
A: Not a chance.
Q: Will I win Bloomsday?
A: Yes! Quite the upset.
Q: Will my hairline continue its headlong retreat this year?
A: No, it will stand its ground and make a stand.
Q: Will my children make me proud?
A: Don’t they always?
Q: Will we have a hard winter?
A: Nothing you can’t handle.
Q: Will I revise and correct 75 percent of my bad habits?
A: At least.
Q: Will I finally learn to think before I speak?
A: You’re already doing it.
Q: Will I win the lottery?
A: Yes, of course.
Q: Will I learn to play the banjo?
A: If that’s what you want.
Q: Will my cat suddenly start looking at me with unbridled respect and adoration?
A: It’s important that we set realistic goals for ourselves.
Q: If I encounter a bear while picking huckleberries in 2017, what should I say?
A: “Oh, excuse me. I was just leaving.”
Q: Will this be the year raccoons do not ransack our lake place?
A: So far, so good.
Q: Will 2017 be the year my cousins back East finally stop mispronouncing “Spokane”?
A: Hope springs eternal.
Q: What if I run for an elected office?
A: Anything can happen.
Q: How much of 2017 will I want to tune out?
A: Depends on how you felt about 2016.
Today’s Slice question: Where will you be one year from today?
Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email email@example.com. Happy New Year.
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