Things I’d rather do than go to inauguration

Wedeln: “Things I’d rather do than go to Trump’s inauguration”:

• 1. Wisdom teeth extraction by a former Nazi dentist using rusty hayhooks and no anesthetic.
• 2. Spend a day with Councilman Gookin reviewing the last decade of city council consent items, one by one, and content coding them for an algorithm.
• 3. Being stuck with Ted Nugent and Kid Rock in a mud pit in a sinking Dodge Ram pickup while the two of them made up a song and sang it to me.
• 4. Clean the stuff that gets caught behind the kitchen sink backsplash that you gotta kinda gouge out with a spoon and it’s like something you don’t even know what it could be.
• 5. Same as 4 but my toenails.
• 6. Posing for a nude painting of me by former President Shrub Bush who has completely started drinking Kentucky Whiskey again and hearing the haunting voice of dead Iraqi children.
• 7. Be lectured by DFO for cranking off hillbilly conservatives with my gentle and fair analysis of political events
• 8. Jello wrestle Duane Hagadone in a plastic kid’s swimming pool both of us clad only in Carhartt shorts and shirts made of uncured antelope hides
• 9. Listen to the greatest hit of Three Doors Down
• 10. shovel one more damn shovelful of snow