The Slice: Slush and the soul of a city

Do they or don’t they?

Talk to enough people and you’re apt to get the certain impression that some Spokane area motorists intentionally slush-splash people standing beside the street.

“I know he did it on purpose” is something you occasionally hear after a puddle incident.

But if that’s true, how do we maintain this belief that people here tend to be kind and considerate? And shouldn’t the on-purpose slush-splashers be hunted down and jailed?

I guess there is really no way to prove intent. But let me ask.

Have you ever slush-splattered someone on purpose? And if so, have you since seen the light and renounced Satan?

Let’s move on.

Describe your most recent drive-by slush splattering: The following choices first appeared in January 2009. (I was reminded of this when I saw Dan Pelle’s fine front-page photo Thursday.)

A) Hilarious. B) Tsunamic. C) Gut-shot. D) Measured in kilotons. E) “Oh, the humanity.” F) Not applicable. G) Other.

None of those work for you? Well, here are “The 10 degrees of slush-splash,” which first appeared in a Slice column running in December 2000.

10. Light splatter. 9. Drive-by puddle paddle. 8. Spotted trousers. 7. Oh, great. 6. Thanks, punk. 5. Soaked shins. 4. What a mess. 3. Face time. 2. Tsunami. 1. Kill shot.

Slice answer: “The only place I get ‘the usual’ is at my hair stylist’s,” wrote Vince Eberly. “I have been going to the same hair cutter, Tina McGovern, for 25-ish years and have followed her from salon to salon. The conversation always starts with ‘the yuzh?’ The answer is always yes, and by the end of the session, I always look great.”

Warm-up question: Long, long ago, the Detroit Red Wings had a high-scoring forward threesome dubbed “The Production Line,” an obvious allusion to the auto industry. Well, what would you call a successful line on a Spokane hockey team?

Today’s Slice question: Has anyone around here ever considered naming a born-in-winter baby boy “Berm”?

Berman could be the formal name, and Bermie could be a casual version.

Actually, The Slice considered this back in early 2008. Here are a few of the potential spin-offs for girls suggested then.

Berma, Bermella, Bermetta, Bermine, Bermison, Mreb, Bermlyn, Bermney, Bermanda, Bermiona, Berm’net, Berma Lou, Berma Shave, Bermellen, Bermatha, Bermiette, Bermenzie, Bermiana, Bermigail, Bermphia, Bermlyssa, Bermalie, Berminy, Bermannah, Bermayla, Bermielle, Bermelia, Bermanne, Bermadette, Bermsy, Bermabelle.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Please send me photographic evidence that you possess more flannel shirts than the gentleman whose apparel was featured in the Slice blog post, “A Northwest closet,” Thursday.