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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: A gentleman would not do this

Let’s talk about illegal use of hands.

The Slice’s discussion of “parental reflex” – the driver putting his or her right hand out to keep a child from lurching forward – prompted reader Bob Curry down in Endicott to recall the practice of “stopping short.”

Stopping short, as all “Seinfeld” scholars know, is the practice of guys behind the wheel finding an excuse to slam on the car’s brakes and then reaching over to, ahem, protect their date. Of course, the real intention was to touch the woman inappropriately.

When Bob was 16, he worked in a suburban Chicago restaurant owned by a guy who used to regale his employees with tales of doing precisely that. “Of course, this was before seat belts.”

Bob added one more sentence. “No, I never used this myself.”

Just wondering: What’s the most unusual wrong-number message someone has mistakenly left on your phone?

One week ago: “Cloudy Monday morning was brightened for me by my Avista meter reader who knocked on my kitchen door and presented me with a bouquet of daffodils,” wrote Joan Nullet.

Charting the changes: Before she was pregnant, Keri Yirak was 5 feet 8 inches tall. She’s sure about that. After her son was born, she was informed that she was an inch shorter.

Speaking of height: Don Thomas wondered if the most accurate way to measure the height of GU basketball big man Przemek Karnowski might involve using the XXXL athlete’s shadow and some appropriate trigonometry.

Disappearing glutes syndrome: Rick Straub saw Friday’s item alluding to people getting shorter as they grow older.

“I, too, used to blame gravity, especially when I noticed my jeans wearing out along the bottom. Then I realized, despite my best efforts, that it’s more a factor of my muffin-top waist and the fact I’m losing my rear end like many men my age.”

I could almost hear Rick sigh as I read his email.

Here’s how he finished his note.

“On my way to cinching my pants up near my arm pits and wearing suspenders. Egads.”

I wonder how many other men of a certain age have noticed they are losing their butts.

Happy Monday!

Today’s Slice question: Has it occurred to you that maybe you are the reason you and your spouse or significant other don’t get more social invitations?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. The rule in Dennis Foster’s household was that sardines and oysters were to be eaten only on camping trips.

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