Parents enable co-dependence

In this season of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I reflect on the fact that just because my folks don’t co-own the outcomes of my decisions, doesn’t mean they don’t share in them with me.

When I shared with my parents the decision to return to graduate school, my mom was encouraged and my dad said what dads often say, “I knew you would do that.” He later wrote to me that my “success, happiness, pain, and problems” he too “felt and shared,” and one day I would know my own children in this same manner.

Teaching at a local college, I often see the destruction of co-dependence. The decisions young adults make today are often co-owned by their parents, as with the outcomes too. The parents do the problem solving, silencing their adult children. These young adults miss out on opportunities to own their own mistakes, rectifications, and reflections - ahem, the learning.

My folks never put themselves at the center of my challenges, and I was never silenced so they could satisfy a need to feel needed.

Now one of my favorite things is when my young children share with me something they have learned. I listen, silently.

Zach Bankston, Ph.D., SFCC English Department

Spokane