The Slice: Getting carded the hard way

You know what they say.

It’s all fun and games until some kid gets hit in the eye with the sharp corner of a Don Mossi card.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Everybody of a certain age has memories of using baseball cards in bike spokes to create a braaaaaaap sound. Well, almost everybody. I imagine a few baby boom children were commies. Or, I suppose, girls.

But the bike spokes thing was not the only alternative use for baseball cards. Sooner or later, boys discovered the cards could zip through the air if flicked in the proper way.

It was all in the wrist.

Remember when, in “To Kill a Mockingbird,” Atticus Finch talked about a boy’s temptation to shoot birds with his first rifle? Sure. Well, it was much the same with tossing baseball cards.

Sooner or later, studying batting averages and seeing which players were minor leaguers in Spokane wasn’t enough. Through a rigorous process of trial and error, a restless lad would find that a Dick Groat or Frank Robinson card could slice through the air at speeds approaching Mach 2. And before long that boy would tire of simply hurling the cards across the room. So he would select a human target.

This inevitably led to an exchange of fire. You flicked a Vada Pinson card at me? I’ll sail a Norm Cash card back at you. And so on.

What could go wrong? Well, I’ve already said.

Some kid would get hit in the eye with a Minnie Minoso card. Accusations and recriminations would fill the air.

Eventually things would settle down and childhood life would resume. But you always wondered if you had indeed heard the last about that card-in-the-eye incident.

Remember a few decades ago when Spokane had a reputation as a place where people landed as a result of the witness relocation program? Well, do you think there might have been a similar arrangement designed to protect flickers of baseball cards from prosecution long after the offense?

After all, what is the statute of limitations on inflicting an extremely minor injury with a Dean Chance card?

I’m not sure. But I do know there seem to be a lot of guys around here with a heightened startle response. It’s almost as if they have been waiting all these years for someone to walk up from behind and tap them on the shoulder.

Today’s Slice question: How do your kids/grandkids respond to your “voice of authority”?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Feel free to name your boat “The Slice.”