The Slice: Making the holiday count

There doesn’t have to be an empty chair at the dinner table today to serve as a reminder.

Families know.

At an untold number of gatherings across the Inland Northwest, this is the first Thanksgiving without a loved one who died in the last year.

Handled in the right way, the occasion does not have to be a mournful memorial. Perhaps most of what needed to be expressed has been said already.

Still, giving thanks for that person’s life could be a fitting part of today’s holiday experience. Though the notion of embracing this day as a celebration might be asking a bit much when there is a hole in your heart. A hole that will never really heal over.

In some families in and around Spokane, this Thursday in November can include a meaningful contemplation of the nature of giving thanks.

And of saying goodbye.

People leave us in all sorts of ways, of course. They can die after long illnesses that carried them away as if on a slow moving train.

Their passing could have been as predictable as sunset. No less a blow when the end came, certainly. But some deaths in the family are accompanied by the opportunity to brace yourself.

And then there are the shattering phone calls late at night. Phone calls bringing news you can’t quite comprehend. Phone calls that tell you your life will never be the same.

All that can come back to you on Thanksgiving. Come back to you with searing, vivid clarity.

Because that’s where she used to sit. This is when he would rise to offer an elegant toast.

That piece of pie on your plate, well, everyone knows. It was her favorite kind. It’s one of the gifts she brought each Thanksgiving.

But then maybe, if the moment seems right, someone will mention the family-legend rumor. You know, the one about her leaving out a secret ingredient when sharing the recipe for that pie.

Once again, she will make you smile.

For those who got to say goodbye or at least left things on good terms before death took someone away, the gratitude felt at Thanksgiving can be deep and abiding.

For those who had unfinished business with the departed, today can be a reminder.

A reminder to take James Taylor’s advice. Starting today.

Shower the people you love with love

Show them the way that you feel

Today’s Slice question: What’s your idea of perfect Thanksgiving weather?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Can you say “leftovers” in other languages?