My radical agenda

Spokane Valley Rep. Matt Shea is investigating professors, I just learned. In a pre-emptive strike, I feel the need to blow the whistle on myself. A quarter-century ago, I became a Tenured Radical at Eastern Washington University.

In my youth, Karl Marx mobilized me when I read Das Kapital. What a great book – both volumes. Sure, the fall of the Berlin Wall set back the movement a bit. But history is cyclical. The masses will rise in rebellion once again.

Adopting Republican colors, I spent two years underground in the Reagan campaigns. My insider status helped me make a killing on corporate junk bonds. A film is being made from the smut I dug up on the Gipper’s years.

Independently wealthy now, I vow to endow a team of Gen-X tai chi militants to fray the social fabric thread by thread. Like Simon Bolivar did for people in Venezuela, I will be on the front lines. First, we take Seattle, then we take D.C.

In Mr. Shea’s la-la 51st State of Liberty, my squadron and I will first revamp outdated curricula. Then we’ll bring about full anarchy. Under my guidance, nothing less than the best in atheism, upheaval, and hedonism will suffice.

Paul Lindholdt

Spokane