Front Porch: Informal survey finds reimagined, social distancing holiday celebrations

Ah yes, ‘tis the night before Christmas. And, not to understate things, but this particular night before Christmas will be like no other in most of our lifetimes.

Nor was Hanukkah (Dec. 10-18). Or will be Friday, Christmas Day, or Kwanzaa (Dec. 26-Jan. 1) or even New Year’s celebrations.

COVID-19 has changed everything. Yet we all want to wrap ourselves in family, tradition and the religious and secular celebrations that are important to us. So I did a little informal survey among a group of friends and family members, from their 30s into their 80s, to see what they’re doing this year, what choices and changes they’ll be making to embrace the season while paying attention to the coronavirus still blooming around us.

There is some sadness and resignation, sure, but I also see a lot of hope and improvisation. We are resilient.

For example, my friend Pat always includes something homemade along with purchased gifts she sends to siblings and nieces and nephews, but this year she’s reverted to just making gifts – pysanka dyed eggs, coming up with what she describes as two recognizable images, a candy cane and a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

She’s a talented woman, and most of these ventures turn out well, but not always, and this year she expects everyone could use a good laugh as they recall things she’s made for them in the old days, such as the crocheted woolen Christmas stockings for the children in the family, which she failed to line, so when they were filled with candy, the stockings kept stretching until the parents ran out of candy and other things to put in them. These things will be the subject of shared family conversation via internet tomorrow, no doubt.

“What I lack in skills, I offer in love,” she said.

Liz and Dan will be by themselves, though they initially had planned to have their adult children come home for the holidays. “We are making plans to drink coffee together as a family via Zoom in the morning, have cocktail hour on the phone in the evenings and lots of FaceTime in the middle of the day.”

My friend Kris usually has her whole extended family over on Christmas Eve, with groups ranging from 14 to 27, then going to each of their daughters’ homes on Christmas Day for separate celebrations. “It’s been a hard decision, but we are choosing to be alone tonight. We’re still considering going to each of the girls’ houses tomorrow and having a campfire outside, have social distancing and exchange presents, a much shorter time because it will be cold.”

Another friend has a blended faith family – Catholic, Protestant and Islam – which observes the season with secular traditions of exchanging gifts, seeing loved ones and giving to the community. For the first time in his children’s lives, they will neither be traveling nor having guests over, as “we have at-risk people in our house as well as among the family we’d normally visit.” His daughters have engaged their 4-H club to provide holiday cards for their local senior care center.

My young friend Sara decided early on that normal socializing with extended family members wasn’t worth it, especially since there’s a high-risk person involved. “The risk may be small, but the consequences could be high.” If the weather is mild, they might try out their small fire pit, possibly establishing a new tradition. “We’ll see what everyone’s comfort level is as the day approaches.”

Polly and Ed have an adult son and daughter who will be present. Their daughter routinely wears an N95 mask for work and observes all the protocols, and their college student son has been staying in his room in his apartment, taking classes online, and after a COVID-19 test, will come home for Christmas. So in terms of what the house will be like, it will be pretty normal this week, Polly said. “The only difference will be not eating out.”

Pam and Mike have never celebrated Thanksgiving or Christmas without family and friends coming over. They usually host up to 35 people. But this year they will be cooking for two, plus a little extra so Mike can drop off Christmas dinners for his two sisters. “This feels strange,” Pam said, “but we have come this far without getting COVID … and we don’t want to risk it.”

Bob and Mary had an unexpected treat. A grandson and his long-time girlfriend came to visit before the holidays, after taking appropriate precautions for 10 days prior. They wore face masks during the visit and ate apart, though they did join in making traditional Norwegian Christmas cookies – safely distanced. “Our special time with them would not have happened if the 11 of us who normally come together had done the usual gathering,” Mary said.

“There is always good in whatever you choose to have happen,” she concluded.

My cousin Deanna usually has an elaborate spread with family and friends. Good china, formal settings and all the rest. This year they’re eating on the patio overlooking the pool and distant river, using nice holiday paper plates, with everything served buffet style. They live in Florida, making the outdoors option much easier to accomplish. I don’t know the number of people who will be present, but I am hopeful that appropriate precautions will be observed.

My college friend Becky, a retired nurse also living in Florida, had thought about not decorating or doing a tree, since her children and grandchildren won’t be joining them, but then, traditionalist that she is, she relented and decorated the house. While Christmas dinner will be just for Cecil and her, “the kids and grandkids will probably come by briefly, with masks on, and will stay outside. Cecil is about to have some medical procedures so we’re in deep quarantine,” Becky told me.

And finally, another college friend, Carolyn, now living in Canada, celebrated Hanukkah vicariously with her nephew Hal, who lives in California, and who normally hosts an annual Grand Latkes Party for three generations of family members. This year he cooked up gigantic batches of his yummy potato pancakes and delivered them to all of the would-be guests’ houses. But, sadly, not as far north as British Columbia.

“I felt part of the celebration just knowing what a wonderful guy he turned out to be,” Carolyn said.

She will be making a special Dec. 25 meal for herself, including her noodle kugel, and watch favorite movies she’s recorded for the day (not necessarily holiday films). And she’ll have a post-New Year’s outing with an artist friend to see an exhibit at the Royal British Columbia Museum in Victoria, where protocols include masks, timed appointments, limited numbers of people inside at one time, spacing, disinfecting, etc.

“That should get me through,” said Carolyn, who is still adjusting to the death last year of her dear husband Mike. “I’m dwelling on the thought that Hanukkah is the celebration of a miracle about surviving the worst of times.”

Whatever changes you find yourself in the midst of these during the holidays, know that these things are temporary. We are adaptable and optimistic and can always make the best of things … if we choose to.

May the blessings of the season be yours.