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‘Porch Pirates’ needs makeover
The term “Porch Pirates” is truly quaint. I say one free extra dessert to whoever coined it!!! But seriously, isn’t that title as frivolous as calling Spokane’s package thieves: Holiday Hooligans, Seasonal Slimeballs, Gift Grabbers, Footloose Fearmongers, Porch Poachers or simply Delivery Deleters?
Now can’t we call them something closer to gritty reality? These lawbreakers are trespassing, heartless thieves. They devastate expectations, knowingly cause heartache, financial loss, confusion and generate fear. And no, these don’t sail quaint tall ships from one to home to another with a colorful parrot on their person.
If I have a package(s) stolen from my porch this season, I will not say “Darn you Porch Pirates! Arrgh…” No, how about Christmas Criminals?
I say, any and all Porch Pirates deserve to walk the plank right into our prison system!
Mark Lee Golden
Spokane