Faith and Values: The Buddhist precept of refraining from wrong speech means thinking before you speak

I was putting laundry away with my laptop open on the dresser, listening to the Bodhisattva Breakfast Corner on YouTube – multitasking as I often do – when Ven. Thubten Rinchen’s words caught my ear.

She was talking about coming out of silent retreat and being mindful about speaking again.

“We set that aspiration in the morning, for our speech to be useful, truthful, timely and kind. And how often do I do that throughout the whole year?” she asked.

I paused and rewound the video, then texted a note to myself: Useful, truthful, timely, kind.

These four words are excellent guidelines for us as we think about our language.

The fourth precept I’m writing about for this series is on refraining from wrong speech.

From Thich Nhat Hahn:

“Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I vow to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy and hope.

“I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.”

As a journalist, this precept is especially important to me.

I toil over my columns and news articles because I want every word to be just right. And that carries over into my speech.

I’ve never been quick on my feet, verbally. Growing up, my mom and I would get into horrible arguments, but I could never find the words fast enough to express myself. Instead, frustration would explode from me in other, more aggressive ways as I’d throw something across the room or kick the wall.

I’ve learned to control my temper since then, largely thanks to practicing Buddhism. (Although my neighbors may have caught me last week clenching my fists and pacing the driveway trying to fix my broken drip system! I might have thrown a compression coupler into the bushes. Sometimes I still fail.)

Today if I get into an argument with a loved one, I listen. I don’t respond, sometimes for hours. It’s not that I’m shutting down. Instead, I’m processing what was said. I write down a response, choosing each word carefully, then go back and finish the conversation with my notes in hand.

This has allowed me to have fruitful discussions about difficult or sensitive issues, rather than reactionary, emotional ones.

After hearing Rinchen’s talk, though, I’ve been giving even more thought to the words I use. Before inserting my opinion into a conversation, I ask myself if what I’m about to say is useful. Is it helpful at all?

Is it truthful? This should be the easiest one for a reporter, but I’ve noticed how easy it is to repeat rumors. Asking myself about the accuracy of what I’m about to say has been a good discipline, one that I need to keep practicing.

Is what I’m about to say timely? Or am I bringing up something outdated, that might bring up old, unnecessary wounds? Or am I saying it at an inappropriate time and place?

Finally, are my words kind? Even if I have something to say that might be difficult for another to hear, I believe there’s a way to say it with love and without being harsh.

Let’s not forget that the other part of this precept is deep listening, which takes as much effort as right speech.

I hope we’ll all learn to practice this precept in our daily lives. It truly makes a difference.

My next and final column on the Buddhist precepts will be on refraining from intoxicants that cloud the mind.

Tracy Simmons, a longtime religion reporter, is a Washington State University scholarly assistant professor and the editor of FāVS News, a website dedicated to covering faith, ethics and values in the Spokane region.