Front Porch: Aggressive interactions lead to compassion fatigue

I don’t know how to write about the homeless without coming across as someone at one end or other of the spectrum – critical that society would allow homelessness to exist or unkind and uncaring about it all. It’s kind of a land mine.

Still, I have to confess that while I have empathy but no solutions to offer, I am also experiencing compassion fatigue.

I don’t think I have to paint a picture of what’s happening in Spokane, nor the numerous efforts that have gone on and are continuing to go into trying to address homelessness in our city. What I do notice that’s new, at least to me, is a change in the co-existence between the worlds of those with homes and those who call the streets their home. Interactions are getting more aggressive.

No, I don’t think people in tough circumstances should remain invisible and out of my way so I can go about living my privileged life in comfort and without inconvenience, but I don’t think this sea change bodes well for any of us.

I’ve written previously about how earlier this year, a homeless man stalked me in a grocery store, first asking me for money (I declined because I don’t take my wallet out in front of people I’m not sure I’m safe with when I’m by myself). He popped up in front of me here and there, once dropping a protein drink into my cart that he had taken from a shelf and consumed. He found me again at the check-out aisle and started following me out of the store, by which time I had asked store personnel to intervene.

It was clear he was not of sound mind. And, yes, I am aware that not all unhoused persons are mentally ill or addicts. Many are victims of circumstance, but the differences between who’s who to this older woman of uneven gait is not the first thing on my mind when being confronted.

I was also panhandled in a parking lot in front of a different store, and when I again declined (same reason), the man began to argue with me about how nice it must be to live a life where dinner is assured.

I am seeing abandoned shopping carts in all sorts of neighborhoods. A neighbor told me she’s seen people prowling through her yard – and so, I must assume, they’re prowling through mine as well. I hear the same from friends in other neighborhoods, too.

My husband and I had a strange experience this summer. For our anniversary, we went to dinner and a movie. After eating, I went to the ladies room while my husband remained at our table with our boxed leftovers. When I returned, the restaurant manager was at the table talking with my husband.

There is a side entrance to the restaurant, through an outdoor patio. A homeless woman had run in through that entrance and right by our table as she headed to the front door, grabbing our box of leftovers right off the table as she passed. The manager was hot on her heels, but she got away.

He called the police to report the incident. I missed seeing it all, but the manager had the kitchen prepare another meal for us to take home, by way of apology for the incident.

I asked him if this was a common occurrence, and he said that while there have been problems downtown with what he called the street people, this was a first.

My husband said, “Well, she probably needs the meal more than we do.” True, but I don’t have to feel good that she stole it practically out of our hands.

Yes, a good society does owe help to those in need, and I know that help has been forthcoming from the city, private organizations and others. The solutions are complex and not easy. And I realize I’m not the true victim here.

I have been donating to food banks and other organizations that are helping to ameliorate homelessness and hunger for years now. That’s all I feel I can do. But I hate that I am personally feeling less kindly about some of my fellow human beings in the process.

Voices correspondent Stefanie Pettit can be reached by email at upwindsailor@comcast.net.