Dear Kiantha: Being a leader is about what you do for others, not what you get

Dear Kiantha,

I am suddenly being seen as a leader in my community. This is something that I’ve wanted for a very long time, and the recognition feels good and overdue. I often felt overlooked when attention was given to others. This affected my self-esteem and caused me to question why I was not being seen as a leader.

Having people reach out to me to get my thoughts and participation is very validating and I am finding that it feeds my self-worth. As I continue my leadership journey, what things should I mindful of?

Dear Friend,

How much time do you have? I ask jokingly, as I could write a full dissertation, sermon or manifesto to answer your question about “things to be mindful of” as you navigate leadership. I will narrow my commentary down to the three most soulful points based on the experiences you mentioned.

First and foremost, the New Oxford definition of leadership is the action of leading a group of people or an organization. While this may seem simple and straightforward, what complicates this definition of leadership is a rarely spoken truth: All people in leadership are not actually leaders. Some people desire leadership roles for their forward-facing value. To be seen, to be validated and to feel important. Leadership for any of the aforementioned reasons is not sustainable nor is it transformative. In fact, it is performative at best.

In your leadership journey, be mindful of what type of leader you are and the type of leader do you desire to be. Determining this early on will anchor your leadership thumbprint to work that is transformative and life-giving to the people and organizations impacted by your leadership. True leadership should never be steeped in validation or recognition, as there will certainly be times during your leadership career when you will receive neither, and you must be OK with that.

Second, self-worth and leadership should never be in the same sentence. Simply stated, here is why: Your value as a human is automatic. It is not dependent on what you do or who follows you.

Last, community and business leadership must always, in all ways, be about humanity and its ability to impact the well-being of others. It is easy to get lost in the awards and rewards of leadership, but longevity in leadership is tethered to what you do for others, not what you get from others.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To submit a question, email DearKiantha@gmail.com. To read this column in Spanish, visit spokesman.com.