Front Porch: Friend cultivates peace and renewal in patio garden

“Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow.” – Frances Hodgson Burnett, “The Secret Garden”

My friend Sandy’s garden is on her patio just behind her townhouse in a community north of Oakland, California.

It’s a small space, compared to the acreage she once lived on in the Inland Northwest, but she has turned it into an oasis of peace, a mixture of plants and art pieces, home-crafted birdhouses and every-day items of surprising beauty set in that environment.

The last time I saw it was before the COVID pandemic, and it has changed shape and organization – simpler and less fussy. Very peaceful, by design, and it took her some time to get it to be that way. Hanging on the fence is a sign; “Garden Rules – listen to birds, feel the breeze, read a book, take a nap, relax.”

I mention it because I spent a few days with her last month. We didn’t go into San Francisco at all, and, frankly, hardly went out, except for a meal or two at nearby locally owned restaurants. Much of our time was spent on the patio, talking … and also being still.

Have you ever had a friend you could talk to about anything, perhaps even things you don’t even discuss with a spouse, deep secrets and pains that are rarely spoken about aloud or even acknowledged to oneself? If you have, you are fortunate. This friend of mine is one of those.

I would gladly run her photo here, but she’d hate that. Instead I’ll show you a little peak at a portion of her garden.

A woman in her 80s, she took care in choosing where she’d make her last stand in life after her husband died. She lives a life in which she gives to others – such as taking friends who no longer drive on errands and to doctors’ appointments. Working through the county library association, she meets twice weekly with an adult learner, helping her master reading and life skills.

Every week, she visits with a friend who will likely pass soon of dementia and its accompanying complications. The two of them chatted recently about favorite breeds of dogs, and the friend was concerned that she’d not be able to train one. Sandy assured her that the (imaginary) dog would train her instead, so there would be no problems. It was a sweet moment.

She finds ways to laugh often.

I have come to learn that almost all families are more complicated than they appear to be, and, if you live long enough, you’ll see and experience the gamut of joys and sorrows that loving your family can bring. My friend and her family are no exception, and I know she is a source of comfort and a gentle ear for all of them.

She recharges daily by being peaceful in the garden, sitting among the bougainvillea, bacopa, lantana, tangerine lucky lantern abutilon, geraniums and assorted succulents and herbs. She doesn’t use the herbs much in cooking, but rather rubs them – rosemary in particular – between her fingers to inhale the smells.

Almost every day she takes her morning coffee outside to watch the lesser goldfinch, black-capped chickadees, Western scrub jays (I thought these were bluebirds, oops), oak titmouse and dark-eyed juncos – all at the feeders in her small shade tree. And, of course, there are the hummingbirds.

She reads out there often.

I know I don’t have the patience or ability to create such a space for myself, but I am so glad to have shared hers for a while. I truly did feel calm and encouraged and peaceful there.

I have begun reading about the benefits of going outdoors to experience sunlight exposure early in the morning. When I first encountered the advice some time ago, I thought of it as just so much woo-woo pseudo-science and kind of dismissed it, other than accepting the general admonition that it’s good to get outdoors.

Time in Sandy’s garden has me returning to the subject, and I am surprised to find that there is serious science at work about the business of being outdoors after sunrise, and that research comes from persons such as American neuroscientist Andrew Huberman to organizations like the National Institutes of Health, Cleveland Clinic, Mayo Clinic and more. And even ancient scholars from Greco-Roman and early Chinese times speak to this.

Where have I been?

Short version: For optimal benefits in the production of vitamin D in the skin, regulating the body’s natural sleep-wake cycle (circadian rhythm), production of serotonin (a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of well-being and happiness), reduction of stress levels (release of endorphins) and maybe even improvement in cognitive function, blood pressure and gut health – the advice is to get 15 minutes or more of moderate sunlight exposure in the morning (even when it’s cloudy, there’s still sunlight out there).

That seems like a lot of gain to be had just from opening the slider to my deck and stepping outside in the morning. I’m a little embarrassed that I’m now just catching on.

I’ve got a few potted plants and some great-looking geraniums blooming on the deck. Sitting out there with them and facing east for a bit in the morning is definitely something I can do.

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” – Frances Hodgson Burnett, “The Secret Garden”

Voices correspondent Stefanie Pettit can be reached by email at upwindsailor@comcast.net