Pirates 4’ is a peg-legged sequel

In the post immediately below , I wrote of how I enjoyed “Thor,” even given its simplistic story line and bizarre take on Norse legends (“legends” and “myths” being what more enduring religions call old-school religious stories that have fallen from popular acceptance).

I’d love to do the same for the most recent addition to Disney’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise, “On Stranger Tides,” which is the fourth in a series that dates back to 2003’s “The Curse of the Black Pearl.” But … I can’t. Let my count the reasons why.

First, this is a franchise that peaked - more fittingly, indulge me as I employ the cliche “jumped the shark” — halfway through the first sequel, 2006’s “Dean Man’s Chest.”

Second, as much as I love Johnny Depp as notorious Captain Jack Sparrow , the characterization is wearing a bit thin. Even Keith Richards as his dad isn’t much more than a curiosity.

Third, as much as I love her - and believe that her Oscar for 2008’s “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” was deserved - I don’t see P enelope Cruz as an effective replacement for Keira Knightley. (For that matter, even though Knightley’s pairing with Orlando Bloom’s character had run its course, I miss Bloom, too.)

Fourth, though I do admire what director Rob Marshall did while adapting the musical “Chicago” to its 2002 movie version, I think he is over his head here … directing action scenes that curiously enough drag while even  moving so quickly it’s hard to figure out who’s doing what to whom.

Fifth, allowing Hans Zimmer to write a film score is like using a Louisville Slugger is to play the orchestral triangle . Zimmer is the most subtle composer since, oh, Bill Conti.

Sixth,  if you think I’m being too hard on the film, when I was so easy on “Thor,” for example, I have to agree. But, then, “Thor” is what it is, a minor summer-season movie that comes and is quickly forgotten. The “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies are, by contrast, Disney-backed blockbuster wannabes that are designed to capture the cultural collective. They are part of Hollywood’s elite, and as such are perfect examples of how isn’t always more - but we’re supposed to believe that it is, no matter what our good sense tells us.

So … this latest “On Stranger Tides” does have its moments. But too few of them. And, please, a fifth one? It’s time for this tired pirate series to walk the plank.

Below : The trailer for “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.”