Follow Friday

You can’t please everyone all of the time. But you can beat the crap out of some people most of the time.

— The Batman (@TheBatman) September 5, 2013

THERE’S SOMETHING VERY SKETCHY ABOUT MILEY CYRUS’S TONGUE. pic.twitter.com/wEh9xVl4RO

— STOP THE ILLUMINATI (@Illuminati_Stop) December 27, 2013

Captain Kirk and Spock reading MAD Magazine pic.twitter.com/MeMo2i8a9S

— ClassicPics (@History_Pics) December 23, 2013

Girl, you had me at “I don’t understand poetry.”

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) December 13, 2013

OH: “Twitter makes me like people I don’t know. Facebook makes me hate people I do know.”

— Ned Batchelder (@nedbat) December 11, 2013

Look, I’m not saying this is an *improvement* on the Nativity Story, but it kinda is… pic.twitter.com/Tr6pidlbwP

— October Jones (@OctoberJones) December 23, 2013

women love mustaches. if you haven’t got one, simply glue a brown comb to your face. women like this also

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) November 28, 2013

Just learned about the new 100 dollar bill design, wondered why I hadn’t seen one yet, realized it’s because it’s a 100 dollar bill

— Anthony (@nedroid) November 3, 2013

The guy who once played the cello solo in “Dust in the Wind” now sells used car parts & often muses about just how true that song is.

— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) November 22, 2013

The world would be a better place without live U2 albums. Oh, and racism and poverty. But one thing at a time.

— Z (@surlyZ) November 15, 2013

The increase of the size of muffs, which was prophesied, is not realized. TX1881

— R.L. Ripples (@TweetsofOld) November 9, 2013

Life? Listen to me, kid. You only have to watch River Monsters once for your Netflix recommendations to be in shambles

— Lady (@ladybroseph) December 19, 2013

you could literally declare yourself king of Alaska and no one would even question it

— chuuch (@ch000ch) December 25, 2013