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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

The Tech Deck

Programming one-liners

I hope you weren't expecting actual programming one-liners (Python, SED, AWK, PERL, Ruby), were you? Presenting the best programming one-liner JOKES I could find (compiled from the Stack Overflow thread):


Java: write once, debug everywhere.

How many IT Support reps does it take to change a lightbulb? Have you tried turning it off and on?

If you listen to a UNIX shell, can you hear the C?

Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.

Three programmers walk into a bar. The first programmer holds up two fingers and says "Three beers".

Why are assembly programmers always soaking wet? They work below C-level.

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.

Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "May I join you?"

Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.

If only dead people can read hex, how many people can read hex?

To understand what recursion is, first you must understand recursion.

Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west? Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch.

Don't anthropomorphize computers. They hate that!

The C language combines all the power of assembly language with all the ease-of-use of assembly language.

I � Unicode.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.


Have a stupid programming one-liner to add?

Daniel Gayle
Dan Gayle joined The Spokesman-Review in 2013. He is currently a Python/Django developer in the newsroom, primarily responsible for front end development and design of

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