The Slice: They can be real bears in the morning

THIS IS ONLY a guess, of course. But here’s what grizzly bears might dream about when they hibernate.

1. “I hope it’s 500 years ago when I wake up.”

2. “I wonder when the furless two-leggers will decide they have enough resorts, roads and housing developments.”

3. “If I move to Canada, will I have to learn French?”

4. “Boy, things were sure a lot simpler when I was a cub.”

5. “I should have mauled that guy with the cell phone.”

6. Sex.

7. “Hey, Boo Boo. A pic-i-nic basket.”

“ Riding bikes without helmets: Baby boomers catch a lot of flak for being self-obsessed twits. But I’m here to tell you, we’re a generation of survivors who deserve some respect.

Next year will mark the 40th anniversary of the invention of the Super Ball. And anyone who ever pitched a Super Ball to a batter and then saw it coming straight back at approximately 600 m.p.h. can tell you. Those things were deadly.

Made of highly compressed synthetic rubber, those welt-producing spheres had incredible resiliency. Many a black eye resulted from some genius hurling one against a wall.

But that’s not the only danger boomers had to endure. There was a toy called the Thingmaker. Essentially it was an oven into which a kid placed metal molds filled with toxic sludge called Plastigoop.

I’ll show you my scars if you show me yours.

Those things made chemistry sets and Jarts seem safe.

I could go on. I knew a kid who fell down the stairs while playing with a Slinky and landed right on top of a pointy Rat Fink model racer. Or maybe it was one of those rigid 6-inch plastic soldiers that were all the rage one summer.

I can’t recall now. But hey, your memory might not be so hot either if you’d taken a few shots to the head with a Super Ball.

“ Hearing about people’s problems: Grocery cashiers are the new bartenders.

“ Possibilities for the next public radio pledge drive: 1. Yelling at listeners, engaging in name-calling.

2. All-nude volunteers taking calls.

3. Passive aggressive banter.

4. Threatening to go door-to-door.

5. “Which programs would you pay to have us discontinue?”

“ Seasonal reminder: Waiting for a mighty wind to blow your leaves down the block is OK. But using one of those gas powered blowers isn’t.

“ Questions suggested by readers: What’s the most intriguing personalized inscription you’ve discovered in a second-hand book? — Judy Burgad

What seemingly conflicting political/social bumper-stickers have you seen attached to one vehicle? — Mark Laiminger

“Today’s Slice question: About which sport do you fantasize when kicking horse chestnuts?

A) Football. B) Soccer. C) Golf. D) Billiards. E) Other.