The Slice: He sang it with plenty of sole

J ack Newcomb was at Spokane International Airport when he heard a public address announcement.

“Would the person who left their shoes at the security checkpoint please claim them.”

Suddenly a song popped into Newcomb’s head. It was “I Left My Heart in San Francisco.”

Only now it had new, localized lyrics.

(Please imagine Mr. Tony Bennett at the microphone.)

I lost my shoes in Spokane airport

It was a cold and windy day

I hardly noticed as I padded through the checkpoint

That my shoes had gone astray

It goes on, but you get the idea. My own big finish to this song?

When I come home to you, Spokane airport

Your leaden fog will creep for me.

“Slice answer (first kiss story): “Mike and I had been dating for about six weeks and he still hadn’t kissed me, so I decided to take things in my own hands,” wrote Kenna May. “We were skiing and I called him over, leaned in and gave him a kiss. He promptly fell down.

“I like to tell people that I knocked him off his feet, but he says he was trying to get away.”

If so, he didn’t get far. They were married three years later.

“Coo coo ca-choo: I was walking downtown, I think it was on Stevens. Just as I was about to pass the door to some small business, a guy crossed in front of me to enter the place. He held his hand over his head, as if to protect his hair from rain. As he opened the door a couple of pigeons fluttered about right above him.

Clearly, it was not his first time through that door.

I made eye contact with this fellow and he sort of smiled. He didn’t look disgruntled or perturbed. His expression seemed to say, “Hey, the risk of a little pigeon poop is just one small cost of living in a city.”

That’s the spirit, I thought. There’s a guy who probably understands that the urban experience involves a few trade-offs and that there’s more to life than free parking.

Then again, cheerfulness about the prospect of bird droppings might not be the perfect metaphor for civic vision.

Let’s move on.

“Slice answer (bedtime story reruns): “My son, Paul, went for about two months (averaging five nights a week) with ‘Curious George,’ ” wrote Jerry Sciarrio. “My wife and I had to use the same inflections, sound effects, and gestures (that’s right, gestures) every time we read it to him.”

“Today’s Slice question: What’s the most hilarious Spokane real estate euphemism?

(My own favorite is using “little charmer” to describe a shoebox-sized shack.)