The Slice: Guaranteed to keep you in stitches

Don’t try this.

Nancy Ives’ sister recently underwent a small surgical procedure. It required a few stitches.

She wanted to keep the wound dry when showering. So she covered it with a piece of duct tape.

“Liberal arts can win you money: Hats off to the Spokane parking garage attendant who occasionally offers a $1 discount in exchange for correctly answering a history question.

“Sunday quiz: Be the first to answer and win a coveted reporter’s notebook.

Which of the following is not the name of a street on Fairchild Air Force Base?

A) El Paso Avenue. B) Bong Street. C) Doolittle Avenue. D) Buff Lane. E) Mitchell Drive. F) Pine Street. G) Offutt Parkway. H) Castle Street. I) Obstacle Road. J) Oregon Drive.

“Agree or disagree: Slice reader Scott Wilburn passed along a list of ways in which Spokane is better than Seattle.

One of his observations: “People in Spokane say ‘Hello.’ “

“Speaking of comparing Northwest cities: “Spokane is like Portland was 40 years ago,” wrote another reader, Judith Rawls.

“Public service announcement: A candidate for a political office asked The Slice to urge people to stop stealing campaign signs.

OK. Knock it off!

Well, now that’s taken care of – just like when I fixed that whole baby names thing by pleading for sanity.

“Speaking of baby names: One of my regular correspondents pinpointed the trend that pushes him over the edge – seemingly random apostrophes.

“Great moments in remote-controlled flatulence simulation: Not long before he retired after decades as a Spokane radio personality, the late Gary Owsley (he went by Gary Charles) was alone and on the air when he heard an impolite sound. Over the course of his shift, it would be repeated over and over. He practically turned the studio upside down, trying to locate the source. But the noisemaker was too well hidden.

Finally, Gary looked up and saw all his co-workers on the other side of a big window. They were smiling and laughing.

Hey, we only kid people we like.

The gag was mentioned at his funeral service a few years ago. Later, the device was presented to his widow, Nora.

“Warm-up question: Ever been startled by one of those noise-making outdoor Halloween displays activated by motion sensors?

“Today’s Slice question: It’s 3 a.m. Someone rings your doorbell. What do you do?