The Slice: These guys plow first, ask questions later

A case could be made that independent snowplow drivers are the last cowboys.

So what if we updated some classic Western movies to reflect this?

I’ll go first.

“High Noon” – A newlywed plow jockey checks his watch as he waits in a supermarket parking lot for the arrival of a competitor who has accused him of poaching jobs.

“Shane” – A driver who had turned his back on plowing returns to the action after a megastorm buries Spokane and a young boy calls out, “Come back, Shane!”

“The Magnificent Seven” – Drivers compete to see who can back up their rigs the fastest without ever looking behind them in case some pedestrian meat is crazy enough to be walking through a parking lot on the way to work at 5 a.m.

“Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” – A charming pair of outlaw plow drivers are relentlessly pursued by a posse of kids with shovels. Our heroes look back and ask, “Who are those guys?”

“A Fistful of Dollars” – A plow driver does it all off the books.

“Red River” – An overscheduled driver tries to defy the laws of space and time by clearing nine strip malls in 25 minutes.

“My Darling Clementine” – Plow rammers get it in gear to mix love and liability waivers.

“The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” – Idaho plow drivers smoke, complain and crank up the country music while solving crimes.

“The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance” – A plow driver fresh out of GU’s law school gets a job washing dishes and is encouraged to run for office.

“The Searchers” – Obsessed plow drivers hunt for compact cars hidden beneath a record snowfall.

“Little Big Man” – A short-of-stature plowman looks back on a life behind the wheel of large pickup trucks.

Today’s Slice question: How many members of your extended family are capable of arguing without getting angry?