Birthday party advice

A recent story I wrote about art parties for birthdays prompted a reader named Annie to send me an e-mail this week. She thinks there’s way too much pressure out there for parents. So she advises moms like me to chill out and not worry so much about these kids’ events. She made me laugh and I found her perspective refreshing…

“You probably hear this from us old curmudgeons all the time but I am constantly appalled by what parents go through for small children’s events and also by the way children today feel entitled to being treated as the center of all adults’ universe. I see a direct correlation.

Planning the party for small children:

1. Let the child pick a cake out of a cookbook (a book with nice photos, a cake that is cute but not too difficult to make) and help him or her make it.

2. Invite as many true friends as your house will hold. (If you have a large yard and the weather will be nice, as in Spokane , this can be more in good weather.)

3. Include schoolmates, relatives, neighbors but they must be true friends; exclude those who aren’t. You are the parent; don’t be a wuss here; stick up for your child’s true friends on this one day for goodness sake. No “whole class,” or your sister will be mad if her brat isn’t included.

4. Get out the sacred games that are only played once a year: Pin the tale on the donkey, drop the clothespins in the bottle, etc. You may not use this as a lesson on donkeys, milk in bottles or clothes on lines; if you don’t have them, find them or improvise.

5. Do not let the child give out the invitations; do it yourself. Really! Up until the children reach the age of 5, a parent may wish to come; another reason to keep it small. Encourage them. Have “mommy and daddy” punch. It will be fun.

6. All you need to buy is cake and frosting ingredients, ice cream, plates and cups, juice and milk, plastic forks and spoons, and a prize for each game (optional; and don’t buy Dollar store crap).

The Party:

1. Have something for the children to do as they straggle in with their presents and perhaps a parent (just like an adult party!). If the weather is nice an outdoor game like Red Light Green Light, Statues, or Captain May I will keep them moving and out of trouble (you may have to ask an elderly relative how to play). If they must be indoors make sure all electronics are unplugged and ask parents not to take any cell phone calls except emergencies. Hustle them out the front door saying “I’m sure you need your privacy” if they start a conversation. Do not even think about letting anyone watch a video. Unplug! Flip a switch.
2. Give 15 minutes for everyone to get there so the neighbor kids and relatives and school friends are all playing together and then assemble inside (or stay out) and play one of the other games.
3. You should be able to take it from here! Play games, eat cake, open presents, have some punch; there should be a nice flow to the party. The kids’ energy level will tell you when they need to calm down, when they’re bored and need a change. If they’re tired enough to sit down, sit them in a circle and let them play Telephone. (You can call it cell phone.) The party can be short! These are young children. Kick them out before all the presents are broken!

When my son looks back on his birthdays, those early ones were the most fun. He still remembers the Betty Crocker cookbook, where he pored over the photos, trying to choose the perfect cake, and the simple games, and my neighbors remember the “mommy punch” (no daddies came in those days).

Remember the sad sad birthday party Steve Martin creates for his son in Parenthood ?

The children who expect elaborate parties also expect their first job to be fulfilling and rewarding and pay well. I think we need to prepare children better for the real world. Sometimes you have to walk for miles and eat beans!”