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The Slice: It’s a lot like dry humor, only not funny

There’s a particular strain of Inland Northwest humor that needs to be eradicated.

I might have the prescription.

But first things first. Because there are several communities in our area that have the same names as lakes, we all find ourselves witnessing conversations like this.

“Where do you live?”

“In Liberty Lake.”

“Don’t you get wet?”

After about the hundredth time, that probably stops being hilarious. Perhaps sooner.

But being patient people, those who reside in Medical Lake or Moses Lake usually just respond with a faint grimace or forced smile.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t cure cornball comedians of the urge to trot out that lame joke again.

What to do? Well, I have an idea.

Instead of simply waiting for the awkward moment to pass, lake-town residents can go on the offensive.

No, they don’t have to be rude. There’s no need for name-calling or sharp rebukes.

After hearing the “Don’t you get wet?” line yet again, they can simply say…

“Oh, no. We have an underwater life-support environment. It’s like a little Atlantis.”

Or … “It doesn’t matter because I am Aquaman’s niece and have special powers.”

Or … “We all live in a yellow submarine.”

Or … “No, our restored U-boat is water-tight. Well, except for when depth charges are going off.”

Et cetera. Confronted with responses such as these, even the most obtuse individual should realize that the unoriginal “You must get wet” line needs to be retired.

•Unexpected eagle sightings: “I live on the bluff on Illinois Avenue,” wrote Bill Robinson. “A few summers ago, I saw a bald eagle fly past with a very unhappy domestic cat in its talons. That’s an eagle sculpture theme that I have yet to see in the Western Art Show.”

Greg Altieri was on the eighth hole at Sun Dance golf course when he saw a fish-carrying eagle being chased by an osprey. “The osprey won, I suppose, as the eagle dropped the fish on the tee box and flew away.”

•Keep up the good work: “I may have overdone my grandmotherly praise,” wrote Judy McKeehan. “I was helping my 2-year-old grandson draw a picture of his family. He drew a blot and said, ‘That’s good!’ ”

Then the self-impressed little boy looked up at his grandmother and asked, “What is it?”

•Today’s Slice question: What has been the weirdest juxtaposition of audiences outside the Knitting Factory and Fox?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 49-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. For previous Slice columns, see www.spokesman.com/columnists. Bruce Slayman likes downtown Spokane best from 4 until 6 a.m.

 
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