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This condiment is a total tease

Tricia Jo Webster

I’m searching the Fred Meyer condiment aisle for deli mustard and instead find myself face to face with what I am sure will provide job security to cardiologists everywhere – Baconnaise , the “Everything Should Taste Like Bacon” spread. I toss the vat of spreadable meat into my basket faster than you can say angioplasty, and head home.

The jar is open and a Baconnaise-smothered Ritz cracker is in my mouth before the garage door has time to close behind me. And just like that my arteries breathe a sigh of relief.

WTH? This stuff doesn’t taste like bacon. It tastes like somebody tossed one of those greasy sausage logs that make the rounds every Christmas into a blender with a glob of mayo and hit liquefy.

Maybe the dog will eat it.

* This story was originally published as a post from the blog "Spokane 7." Read all stories from this blog