Kids, restaurants and sanity

With a 2 and a 4 year old, eating out with my husband ain’t what it used to be.

No more lingering over dinner. No more ordering a second glass of wine. If we make it through the meal without one of us having to bring a kid to the car for a time out, we’re feeling pretty good.

National chain restaurants have a way with kids. They know just how to decorate, just what to serve and just what activities to print on the menu to keep them little ones engaged. Or at least in their seats.

But we like eating at local restaurants, and we like our kids to consume something other than Mac & Cheese every time we dine out. (For more on the issue of unhealthy “kids’ menus,” check out this New York Times article .)

I think Chaps is one of the best places in town to bring young kids. Our girls love the indoor play kitchen and pink cowboy hats, and during summer the outdoor sandbox is a hit.

Maggie’s South Hill Grill has a nice selection of toys and large booth seating. Our girls seem to do well there, too.

What local restaurants do you choose when you’re with your kids?

It’s possible that the local restaurants don’t actually want me to bring my kids to their eateries, and therefore haven’t erected a McDonald’s-style play structure because of that (wouldn’t that be great, though?!).

Too bad. I like good food, and I can’t always afford a babysitter.

That said, we parents have a responsibility to keep our kids in check when we dine out. I don’t expect my toddler to exhibit perfect table manners, but it’s downright dangerous for kids to be running around while servers are trying to transport trays of hot food to customers. And speaking of other customers, they deserve to enjoy their dinners, too.

It’s such a delicate balance, and I’m constantly questioning whether I’m being too hard on my kids or not firm enough. Lately, I’ve been trying to plan ahead so eating out goes more smoothly. Here are some tips I can offer, and I’d love to see more advice from readers in the comments below.

1. Talk to the kids about behavior expectations on your way to the restaurant. Spell out what the consequences will be if they don’t cooperate (i.e., leaving early, having a time out in the car with a parent, removal of a toy).

2. Choose a noisy restaurant. I’m pretty sure my kids have never been louder than the overall volume level at The Elk .

3. Clean up after the kids as best you can, and leave a nice tip for your server. That means more than 20 percent, IMHO.

4. Practice good restaurant behavior at home. Once a week, have the kids write up menus and take turns being customers and servers. Insist that they say “please” and “thank you” when they’re ordering and being served.

5. Choose a restaurant that’s a happy medium between what the adults want and what the kids can handle. I’m still recovering from a night last fall when my (well-meaning and generous) parents took our family to a fancy, small Italian restaurant in Oregon’s wine country that served five-course meals on white tablecloths. The meal took three hours, and I was stressed out the entire time. I just don’t think it’s fair to put kids in a situation where, at some point, they’re going to “fail.”

6. Get fancy. Dress up. Wear a feathered boa. Paint their fingernails. Dress them in a jacket and tie.

7. Go early, such as at 11:30 a.m. for lunch and 5 p.m. for dinner. The hope there is that the food will be served more quickly since hungry + kid doesn’t usually equal patience.

8. Bring some activities to keep them occupied. We downloaded a movie onto my phone and played it for our daughters in a restaurant recently, but I won’t do it again. I felt like the volume had to be too loud for them to hear it, and I didn’t like how they zoned out instead of being part of the family conversation.

Instead, bring puzzles, coloring supplies, books and quiet, interactive toys, such as puppets.

9. And speaking of stuff to bring, check out these ideas for portable crafts and kits you can make for kids. These tutorials are on my to-do list—hopefully I’ll get to them before my kids grow up and become refined, well-mannered young adults (ha!).

- Block puzzles

- Toddler activity bags (several great ideas there)

- My favorite pizza joint in Bellingham gives kids a plate of dough to play with when they arrive. Since Bellingham is a long way to go for pizza, you could make your own and bring it in a plastic baggie or Tupperware container. Warning: the dough is meant to be played with, not eaten, and I did witness a kid consume the entire blob of raw dough at said eatery one day.

-Make a smaller version of this briliant camping play quilt .

- “Aunt Sarah” dolls .

- Pencil roll and art bag .

- Felt play food .

- A matching game and tic tac toe bag .

- A portable fabric doll house .

- A portable felt board .