It’s so bad for you. But it tastes so good.

Sometimes you just gotta say, “Screw it … I need a Whammy.”

So you get your bad self to Dick’s. You walk up to the stainless steel counter and relay your menu selection to the order-taking savant on the other side of the plexiglass portal, then step back to wait among the hungry masses.

After a few minutes you’re called back to the counter (typically signaled by a quick flash of eye contact and a nod from the guy who took your order). You plunk down your dough ($1.69 for a Whammy, $1.29 for a large order of fries), grab that greasy brown bag, scurry back to the car and lay the feast across your lap.

Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. A bready bun holds two gooey-American-cheese-encased meat patties. Fresh onion chunks and pickle slices offer bright pops of flavor and mingle perfectly with the grease-enhanced ketchup. A few hand-cut, skin-on French fries between each bite of burger make for a religious experience.

It should be noted that every Dick’s dining experience is complemented by outstanding people-watching. The parking spots at the front of the drive-in are coveted and hard to come by, but the first four spots around either side of the order window also offer a decent view of the ever-eclectic crowd. Transients, prostitutes and street kids mingle with moms, suits and busloads of high school athletes on their way home from track meets. In the time it takes to scarf down a burger and fries you’ll see a sampling of just about every demographic Spokane has to offer.

There are a few picnic tables to either side of the open patio, and a couple of tables around the back. But unless you’re keen on re-enacting a scene from The Birds, I suggest you take cover in your car … Boisterous, persistent seagulls know what they want – your food – and they aren’t shy about getting it.

It should also be noted that sometimes, after the styrofoam container has been emptied of its sloppy contents and the fry bag holds nothing more than a couple grains of salt, I wish I would have shared a few morsels with the seagulls. Not because they’re hungry, but because I can actually feel my arteries clogging as I start the car and pull out of the parking lot. But then I take a sip of my large, under-a-dollar Diet Coke and all those cholesterol-heavy calories are magically washed away. And for a moment everything is right in the world.