Question is, do you speak Starbucks?

Above : One of the Sao Paulo Starbucks outlets, this one set just off Avenida Paulista.

Imagine if you were visiting Los Angeles. And you were staying in a hotel near, say, the Sunset Strip. You spoke no English, you had no car and hardly anyone you ran into spoke your language. All you had was a dictionary, a basic phrasebook, a rudimentary map and spotty Internet service.

OK, now you know what our Sao Paulo experience is like.

This city is big . I mean huge. Some 20 million people spread across an area, my guidebook tells me, that is three times the size of Paris.

So, as with L.A., the only rational way to approach Sao Paulo as a tourist is to split it into sections and try to see what you can.

Our hotel is located west of the Centro Historico , a block and a half off Avenida Paulista, which is the city’s old business center (old being relative, since most of the old coffee-baron houses that once lined the avenue have long been torn down and replaced with skyscrapers and modern shopping malls).

I figured out how to use the city’s Metro system (something L.A. can only dream of having), which is cheap and easy to manage. But I’ve spent most of this week just walking. Up and down Paulista. Through the Jardins neighborhood. To the world-famous football stadium Estadio Pacaembu . And so on.

I’ve gotten used to people speaking English in other foreign countries, especially in Europe. I have survival skills in Spanish and Italian, and I’ve been using a mix of the two – and my ignorant attempts at Portuguese pronunciation – to try to communicate here. And it’s worked. Mostly (one night I was served two Heinikens instead of the one – “uma’’ – that I ordered, but I was nice and didn’t complain).

Yesterday, though, was the first time that someone tried to help me out. I was asking a barista how to pronounce “hot milk” – or “leite quente,” which I heard as “lay-chay cane-chay” – when a woman came up and, though obviously Brazilian, asked in perfect English, “Oh, you speak English. Do you need some help?”

I didn’t, really. But I certainly appreciated the offer.

Oh, and by the way, the incident happened in one of Sao Paulo’s Starbucks outlets. So let’s put this to some sort of catchy ad jingle:

“The niiiiicest thiiiings happen to you … in a Staaarrrbucks!”

You’re welcome, Sr. Schultz . Send my check in care of The Spokesman-Review.