Huckleberries: Police blotter writer worthy of praise

Whoever wrote the blotter report for the Post Falls Police Department on Thursday is a kindred spirit of Huckleberries. One brief report told of a woman and her roommate who were frightened by someone trying to break into their apartment. Upon investigation, the two women discovered that a “cat burglar” had tried but failed to enter their home. The report concluded: “This is most likely due to the absence of opposing thumbs.” … Another item told of a man who called the cops because a Post Falls convenience store clerk wouldn’t let him use the restroom. The man demanded his right to pee in the store because, after all, restaurants allow patrons to use their restrooms. The blotter noted: “The officer provided the male with clues that would help him later differentiate between a convenience store and a dining establishment.” … Finally, there was the Taco Bell worker bee who discovered “after a long night of nacho building” that he had locked himself out of his car. An officer opened the door with a slim jim. The blotter read: “A slim jim is a tool used to unlock a vehicle. Not to be confused with a stick of processed meat” … The report received 332 likes, 33 shares and 76 comments on Facebook, including this one from Councilwoman Kerri Thoreson: “I give this report two thumbs up!”

He shall overcome

According to Raw Story, Richard Mack fired up a pro-gun, anti-gummint crowd at the “I Will Not Comply” gun rally in Olympia by advocating peaceful takeover of an Arizona county. “Sheriff Mack” said the experiment would give his uberconservative crowd a laboratory for its ideas. Mack rabble-roused: “You want to live in a free country? You want to live by constitutional law? You want to not be worried about federal government coming in and ruining your lives and families and hauling you off at midnight? Come live with us there.” So why do we care what the erstwhile sheriff says? He was the featured speaker for the 2012 Lincoln Day Dinner of the Kootenai County Republican Central Committee, at least half of whom are sympathetic to his radical ideas. Mack wants to protect freedom from tyranny. But who’ll protect us from him?

Huckleberries

Poet’s Corner (regarding Coeur d’Alene dropping a ban on guns at city parades): “Happy music and marching/stretching block after block,/but what fun’s a parade/without your .380 Glock? – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“I Love a Parade”) … From a Coeur d’Alene doctor’s office Thursday, Huckleberries received this text from a female Facebook friend: “There is a giant bowl of condoms in the bathroom at this doctor’s office. Some really colorful ones.” The mind races … According to HeyLets blog, Oregon is the second-humblest state, behind only Utah, while Washington is the second-most “braggadocious” state, behind only California. Seems HeyLets has never been in a newsroom full of University of Oregon football fans … Quotable Quote: So when do we get to buy Cuban cigars without ‘breaking the law’ – tweet from Rob Kauder of KXLY who said he was asking for a friend … Another Post Falls Police Department blotter report (that wasn’t so funny): “Female caller reported that her ex-husband has been driving by her residence taking photographs and trying to obtain photos of her current boyfriend.” Time for someone to move on.

Parting shot

That Salvation Army red kettle challenge was a lopsided event this year. Spokane Mayor David Condon did his best at the Fred Meyer on Thor on Dec. 13, but raised only $1,159. Meanwhile, Mayors Steve Widmyer of Coeur d’Alene, Vic Holmes of Rathdrum and Dick Jurvelin of Fernan triple-teamed Condon. They combined to help raise $21,032. Mebbe Mayor Condon should switch teams. After all, half of Spokane lives on Coeur d’Alene’s beaches during the summer anyway.