The Slice: Despite son’s protests, Mom’s generosity remained unsquelched

When my parents moved to Spokane from New England in the fall of 2000, they came here without a car.

It was understood that their driving days were over.

My father had advanced macular degeneration and had given up his keys already. But for my mother, not having a car was a sacrifice.

Still, she did not complain. At least not to me.

I mention this so you might better understand why I was slow to clamp down on her check-writing.

Lots of children of elderly parents can tell you. Unless you want your relationship to be a pitched battle, reducing a parent’s independence has to be approached with finesse. So I didn’t take control of my mom’s checkbook until there was no other choice.

It wasn’t that she was mailing money to televangelists or other con men. She did, however, have one little weakness.

You see, my mom couldn’t stop sending donations to Spokane charities and social service agencies.

This put me in the somewhat surreal position of saying, in essence, “Enough already with the checks to homeless shelters and programs for hungry kids.”

Yes, it was her money. Yes, these were good causes.

But near the end of her life, the cost of her care was eye-popping. The prospect of her running out of money just as she needed the most help haunted me.

So I would remind her that she might need every last cent she had.

Then, the next day, she would write a check to some damn soup kitchen or battered women’s shelter.

As you might already realize, the more of those checks you write, the more requests for donations arrive in your mailbox. I would note this, and my mother, Dorothy Turner, would nod.

OK, these were not huge sums. And I’m not trying to make her out to be some sort of humanitarian.

But my mother, who died Thursday at 97, lived through the Great Depression. She never endured poverty, but she knew how it could grind down good people. And so when someone asked her to help children in need or assist those with no place to live, her first impulse always trumped her son’s hectoring lectures about preserving her assets.

My mom did not want a memorial service. She did not want an obituary. But I think she would not mind me saying this.

In lieu of flowers, consider helping someone in Spokane who needs a hand.