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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Marmot’s true mission still a mystery

Paul Turner is taking some time off this summer. In his absence, we dive into the archives at Slice Central. Today, we revisit July 7, 2009.

Why did the marmot go into the restaurant?

That’s not a riddle. Nor is it a coded message to members of The Slice’s Marmot Lodge.

It’s a perfectly reasonable question, one that nobody seems to have asked.

Chances are you read about the marmot that sauntered into an eatery over in Prosser, Wash., last month. People got all excited. And the Associated Press sent the story everywhere.

The animal eventually left without incident, as they say.

But apparently nobody in the restaurant ever asked it just what it wanted.

A few possibilities come to mind:

A) A grilled cheese.

B) Wanted some caulk and thought the place was a hardware store.

C) To inquire about job openings.

D) A cold beer.

E) Wanted to use restroom.

F) In the mood for a nice, big salad.

G) Trying to track down a misplaced set of keys.

H) Suspected spouse was there with another rodent.

I) Meeting a sales prospect.

J) Just wanted to cool off.

K) Working on a Central Washington travel guide.

L) A milkshake.

M) Planned to listen to a baseball game on the radio.

N) Hoped someone behind the counter would ask, “What are you protesting?”

O) To fill up on the bread.

P) Heard truckers ate there.

Q) Running for office and wanted to do some glad-handing.

R) Pack of gum.

S) Iced tea.

T) Thinking of making an offer on the place with an eye toward turning it into a Thai restaurant.

U) To settle bar tab.

V) Scope out chicks.

W) Protection racket.

X) In the mood for ice cream.

Y) Was trying to find lawyer’s new office and had written down the wrong address.

Z) Thought the Marmot Lodge was meeting there.

TODAY’S SLICE QUESTION: Ever thought you were going to drown?

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