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The Slice: Here’s your Halloween checklist
You say you don’t have a checklist drawn up? Not to worry. You can borrow mine.
21. Buy candy.
20. Eat candy.
19. Buy more candy.
18. Decide what you are going to say to members of church groups holding canned food drives on Halloween because they apparently believe the occasion is in need of reform.
17. Find out when “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” will be on.
16. Confirm that you do not reside in Haddonfield, Illinois.
15. Find yourself working in the lab late one night. (When your eyes beheld an eerie sight.)
14. Determine, once and for all, your three favorite moments in “Young Frankenstein.”
13. Family dance contest based on the moves in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video.
12. Debate pro’s and con’s of dressing up as Rachel Dolezal.
11. Roundtable panel discussion: Why won’t zombies go away?
10. Look for treats that do not include high-fructose corn syrup.
9. Consume said treats.
8. Decide if you want your costume to make a political statement (weigh in on Planned Parenthood or gun accessibility).
7. Rehearse what you are going to do if you see a kid looking at one of your jack-o’-lanterns with mischief in mind. How is your “Dirty Harry” impression?
6. Remind yourself not to notice young co-workers who believe Halloween costumes are intended to showcase their bodies.
5. Find the Halloween decorations, somewhere in the basement or hall closet.
4. Decide when you will be closing up shop on Halloween night. (Shortly after the arrival of the first 6-foot teenagers not wearing costumes is one option.)
3. Decide who gets to dispense.
2. Buy more candy.
1. Put in your fake fangs and bring pets inside.
Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Once some older kids were going to try to steal my Halloween haul. Then one of them recognized whose little brother I was. Realizing my sibling would have tracked them down − all of them − and pounded them into contrition, they thought better of it. One of the proudest moments of my childhood.