What do you look for in a church usher?

A) Not obviously drunk with power. B) Zero performance piety. C) Authentic smile. D) Welcoming. E) If you are new, he or she does not pounce like a bird of prey. F) Talk about the weather. G) When passing the collection plate, he or she doesn’t give you a “look.” H) Handshake is firm but not bone-crushing. I) Other.