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This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Good news: I’ve got you covered

The Slice first made this offer back in 2004.

But events and my generous nature compel me to renew the invitation.

Here it is.

If there is an ongoing local news story about which you cannot read one more word without blacking out, just let me know and I will monitor it for you.

Consider it a gift.

It takes time, energy and endurance to stay informed. Many ongoing news stories aren’t relentlessly fascinating. Keeping up with them can be a chore.

Even some initially interesting current events can get old. So sometimes we all need a little help.

Just tell me what particular local news story you want me to follow for you. Then indicate at what specific future point in the continuing saga you want to be notified with an update.

When the great Calvin Trillin first proposed this “gift” idea decades ago in a magazine piece, I think the story he volunteered to follow had to do with the Middle East. The hypothetical “Update me when events reach this stage” marker he proposed was thermonuclear conflict.

Here’s the thing though. I can do this for just one reader.

Maybe it will be you. Just let me know what news story you can no longer stand. And maybe I’ll relieve you of the burden of following it.

This was no boating accident: So apparently sharks are coming to the Spokane Interstate Fair next month. What do you suppose they will think of the Inland Northwest?

A) This seems like a good place to raise a family. B) Is it just me or does that kid up against the glass look yummy? C) It’s a dry heat. D) Kill me now. (To be fair, that could be more a commentary on frustrations arising from their captive state than any reflection on the Lilac City’s charms.) E) Where are the livestock? F) Scientists tell us sharks do not experience cognition in a way that would allow them to comment on restaurants, real estate opportunities, night life or whatever. G) Boy, these people here have really embraced casual attire. H) Other.

Genetics explained: Patty Hostetter’s family had moved to Alaska and they attended a meet-the-teachers night at the beginning of the school year. “My 11-year-old sister Kathy was standing with our folks when a teacher asked her, ‘Where did you get your red hair?’”

Kathy answered, “From my brother.”

Today’s Slice question: Did you have an all-time favorite lunch box in grade school?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Beer and WSU football fans: What could go wrong?

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