Earth Day Eve ranking of the planets

9. Uranus. Nobody goes there.

8. Mercury. So what if it’s a dry heat?

7. Venus. Never really cared for Frankie Avalon.

6. Saturn. Put a ring on it.

5. Jupiter. The starting right tackle of planets.

4. Neptune. The best of the planet names.

3. Pluto. Discovered by a former Kansas farm boy in Flagstaff, Arizona.

2. Mars. Needs women.

1. Earth. Still the best assortment of children and animals.