Dear Kiantha: Investing in friendships much like investing in your job

Dear Kiantha,

I find it difficult to maintain long-term friendships. Any advice?

Dear Friend,

What a great question! Most of us go along with the thought that friendships happen and are maintained by osmosis. In my opinion, friendships are the most fragile relationships of all. Maintaining a long-term friendship requires us to evaluate the friendship similarly to how we evaluate or performance on a job. Due to the importance of long-term friendships, let’s compare them to a position in management.

Most job performance reviews rate employees on criteria that allows the employer to measure the value and success of the employee’s history over the past 12 months. Nearly all performance reviews will in some way inquire if the employees have developed or set realistic goals around their departments budget and fiscal management.

In the management of friendship, realistic goals must be set around the management of time and investment into the friendship. Tried and true friendships require us to invest time to connect with one another.

With the daily responsibilities we all carry, connecting with friends can be difficult. Good friendships allow for the happenings of life and don’t require strict scheduling. However, in the moments when those connections do happen, they are given priority as both friends are sensitive to the needs of each other and understanding of the challenges to connecting. Because these friendships are managed well there is no love lost in between connections.

Maintaining long-term friendships requires an investment of our time and resources. Often friends need one another to simply run ideas by or problem solve whatever may be happening in the moment. Being a listening ear and making yourself available for sound advice is a resource to your friendship. I cannot count the number of times I have counted on friends to be truthful with me and help me see things from a different perspective.

All end-of-year performance reviews will measure how often you were available to your employer. In the same vein, friendship reviews are measured by your attendance and availability. Consistency is important, as it shows that you are committed to the friendship.

That does not mean that you must show up to every invite, but the moments where the invitation has high value for your friend, do your best to be there.

When we invest in our friendships in the same way that we invest in things like our careers, we will see that friendships hold a value that stays with us until our final days.

Soul to Soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To read this column in Spanish, visit www.spokesman.com. To submit a question, email DearKiantha@gmail.com.