Sue Lani Madsen: All the signs were there

We think of the state as the parent of last resort for children abused by parents. We expect the social workers at Child Protective Services to make tough calls on when a child must be removed from a parent for the child’s safety. But we offer very little for a parent being abused by their child.

Parents are the natural experts on their children’s needs, talents, personalities and proclivities. Our systemic disrespect of parental input is not confined to passionate arguments over school curriculum and health care decisions. It may have more tragic consequences.

Julia Malcolm, of Ephrata, has devoted the past 10 years of her life to seeking the best possible treatment and outcome for her autistic son. And this year she realized she had to speak up before his violence turns from verbal threats to a physical outburst endangering not only herself but possibly the community.

She is no longer concerned about embarrassing herself or her family. She says she has begun to see parallels with the story of Nancy Lanza, mother of the shooter at Sandy Hook Elementary. Both women were faced with raising difficult sons alone; Lanza following a divorce and Malcolm after being widowed. Malcolm’s son is displaying similar kinds of antisocial behavior exacerbated by the challenges of living with autism.

Or as the family health care provider wrote in June 2021, the teenager “is highly perceptive like a good psychopath and skilled at causing his mother deep suffering and laughing at and mocking and taunting her. He’s a stalker, he watches her like a cat in the wild, and is strategic about his attacks.”

He is also 17 years old, 6-foot-2 and weighs nearly 200 pounds, according to Julia, who describes herself as 5 feet tall and in frail health.

“I stay locked in my room. I can’t be alone with him for another five minutes,” Malcom said in an interview last week before her son was set to be released from another psychiatric hospitalization.

The teen’s first six-month involuntary hospitalization happened in 2021 after he’d climbed a concrete tower and threatened to jump. Since then there have been shorter inpatient and stabilization stays, and each time Malcolm has dutifully responded to bring him home.

This time, she was determined not to pick him up. She changed her phone number, so Child Protective Services couldn’t call her. They came to her house. She decided it was time to share the email from their health care provider with the state, the one warning that “his psychopathological abuse is getting worse.” The one that warns bluntly that Malcolm’s life is at risk. It didn’t matter.

“They broke me to make me take him back but they’re going to write ‘mother agreed to have (son) come home’ in the records,” Malcolm said. “I made it clear I cannot keep him safe.”

The Department of Children, Youth and Families operates under strict protocols for confidentiality and could not comment directly on the meeting. Malcolm recalled the supervisor looking a bit teary-eyed after reviewing the letter describing her son as psychopathic and sadistic.

“It’s not written down,” Malcolm said, “but I heard her say that unfortunately our job and our only job is to establish (your son) in the best possible outcome for him and since it is clearly recorded that you are a good mother and you care for him and take care of him, and it poses no safety risk for him to be in the home, therefore it is in the best interest of the child, and that is all we are allowed to focus on.”

Ironic, because she’s on record with CPS as a good parent, she could be jailed for child abandonment if she refused to take him back . Tragic that her safety doesn’t count.

“When I broke down in her office on Monday, this is not about me changing my mind. The programs they offer don’t work,” Malcom said. “This is about me saying I don’t have the strength to fight anymore.”

Nancy Gutierrez, communications administrator for DCYF, offered this emailed observation in response to a question about the protocol for children like Malcolm’s son: “Children posing a danger to a parent would be an issue handled by law enforcement or community mental health resources. However, we offer Family Voluntary Services, a program which allows parents and guardians to engage voluntarily in services that improve their protective capacities to meet the safety, health, and well-being needs of children and youth.”

Malcolm took her son home. She is back to locking herself in her room. Her son will turn 18 in November. DCYF will no longer have any involvement in his life and he will be a law enforcement problem, likely homeless, and a community problem. All the signs are there.

Contact Sue Lani Madsen at rulingpen@gmail.com.