Dear Kiantha: Mother-to-be worried about being a good parent

Dear Kiantha,

I am so excited because I will be having my first child in a few weeks. Do you have any suggestions for new parents? I really want to get this right. I did not come from the best family and worry that I may not be equipped to parent.

Dear Friend,

Congratulations on soon being a parent of a child who, with your help, can change the world. Yes, literally change the world.

I want to let you off the hook by sharing a secret: Some of the best parents in the world are those who have not come from great families. That is not to say that they don’t experience challenges while raising their children, because they certainly do. However, their commitment to getting it as right as possible nearly always lends to well-loved and compassionate children.

There is no such thing as perfect parenting. When you are the parent of a newborn, perfection is impossible. After your first few sleepless nights you better understand that parenting is a series of trials and errors, wins and epic failures. Just when you think you have got putting your baby down for a nap to an art, you will turn to walk out of the room and their sweet little bobbling head will pop straight up in the air. I am laughing just thinking about this as I remember those moments with my own baby.

Toddlers bring an even more advanced bag of challenges. Mastering chasing them around the house trying to keep them from hurting themselves or getting into anything is like an Olympics of sorts. Those adorable little legs and hands are fast.

In the many stages of childhood, there are things as a parent you must remember. The first being that you were chosen by the universe to parent your child. Your child’s needs were assigned to you. Your relationship with your child is yours to develop and it does not need to mimic the way others parent their children.

Secondly, allowing yourself and your child to develop a relationship in which you both feel safe is very important. Your child feeling safe to learn and grow is equally as important as you feeling safe to learn and grow in your parenting journey.

Use your experiences to guide your parenting and rely on your intuition. You got this. I’ll be cheering you on.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To read this column in Spanish, visit www.spokesman.com. To submit a question, email DearKiantha@gmail.com.