Dear Kiantha: Losses on top of losses send life spiraling

Dear Kiantha,

In the past few years I’ve had a series of painful events happen in my life. The death of my mother, a divorce, separation from my child and the loss of stable employment. My life is spiraling and I don’t know what to do. I feel like giving up.

Dear Friend,

I want to first acknowledge that life has surely been lifin’ for you. Any combination of what you’ve been through would be difficult for anyone to handle, the fact that you are holding all these truths would certainly explain the feeling of wanting to give up.

The loss of a mother, whether the relationship with your mother was healthy or unhealthy, can bring on feelings of abandonment, loneliness and fear. Fear of what the world might look like moving forward without her. Fear of seeing just how fast your world must move on without her.

Ending a marriage and the new dynamics it can create is also heavy emotionally. All of this is tied together by a common thread of grief. If you are open to it and if resources permit, consider working with a professional grief counselor as some situations really are more than we can bear alone.

What I would also like you to consider is that when we experience hardships like these, a secondary thing can also happen.

Our thoughts can become our enemy. We can find ourselves in dark places that prevent us from seeing how to move forward. When this happens, we are more likely to want to give up on ourselves and the belief that circumstances can improve.

While it may be hard to see in this moment, you have already made it through the death of your mother, the divorce, the separation from your child and the loss of stable employment. And, you are still standing!

Now is the time to focus on how to manage and thrive with the hand you’ve been dealt. You can do it, I believe in you, and the sooner you begin to believe in yourself the faster things will turn around for your good.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To read this column in Spanish, visit www.spokesman.com. To submit a question, email DearKiantha@gmail.com.