Dear Kiantha: A sense of belonging starts inside you

Dear Kiantha,

I work in public service. My career is devoted to helping others and I love it most of the time. I also struggle with painful self-doubt and chronic imposter syndrome. It’s debilitating and contributes to my lifelong battle with depression.

Last year, my workplace embarked on an equity, diversity, inclusion and belonging initiative. In a recent conversation about it, I began to wonder how my fears and depression could play a role in my ability to engage in and work on EDIB in both my work and personal life. Could it? What do I try and do about it?

Dear Friend,

Your question to me is beautifully heartbreaking. The beauty in it comes from knowing that you have a clear and deep longing to exist in both your personal and professional life as a human being pursuing an active role in a more equitable, diverse and inclusive world.

Your sincere desire to evaluate the parts of yourself that could hinder your engagement in the important work of EDIB tells me so much about who you are at your core. The world needs more people like you. Your level of concern for the experiences of others sets you apart. Thank you for working in public service. Being of service to others is truly one of the greatest contributions we can make as humans.

The heartbreak for me comes from the compassion I feel for you as I think deeply about the pain you are experiencing emotionally as you hold the truth of your struggles with self-doubt and imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome is much more than doubting your abilities, skills and talent. It is even deeper than the internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud” despite the evidence of your competence.

Self-doubt and imposter syndrome are both indicators of a longing to belong. Belonging is a critical component of diversity, equity and inclusion because it ensures that each human being is and feels accepted, valued and integral to their community.

You are deserving of belonging in the same way. Give yourself permission to accept and value you just the way you are (depression and all).

Activate your internal validation. You do not belong because of what you bring, what you know, what you do or how you show up, you belong solely because of who you are. Remind yourself of this truth every day if you have to. In order to do the work of making sure that others belong (DEIB) you must first be rooted in your own belonging.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To submit a question, please email DearKiantha@gmail.com.