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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Turn off the tricorder and focus on the road

Maybe it’s too late.

But it might be a good idea to spell out the differences between the world of “Star Trek” and real life in Spokane.

See how much of this you already knew.

Star Trek: People go to work wearing outfits that resemble children’s pajamas.

Spokane: Same.

Star Trek: Gaseous anomalies.

Spokane: Same.

Star Trek: Delta Quadrant.

Spokane: Idaho.

Star Trek: Rifts in the space-time continuum.

Spokane: City Council meetings.

Star Trek: Warp speed.

Spokane: Thirty miles per hour over the speed limit.

Star Trek: Tricorders.

Spokane: We have those, too, only people here use them while driving.

Star Trek: Shape-shifters.

Spokane: All-you-can-eat buffets.

Star Trek: “Live long and prosper.”

Spokane: “It’s just snow, people.”

Star Trek: Redshirts.

Spokane: High school dropouts.

Star Trek: The Borg.

Spokane: TV news teams.

Star Trek: Futuristic medical technology.

Spokane: “Let’s keep an eye on it and see how it goes.”

Star Trek: Anti-matter, nanoprobes, tachyon particles and phasers.

Spokane: Ballcaps, pickups, Zags fans and tasers.

Star Trek: Prime directive.

Spokane: Pretend that it makes sense to not have a state income tax.

Star Trek: “She cannot take anymore!”

Spokane: Studded tires.

Star Trek: Some ridiculously good-looking women.

Spokane: Same.

Star Trek: Captain’s Log.

Spokane: The Slice.

Star Trek: Worm holes and “Beam me up.”

Spokane: The North-South freeway and trucks parked in bike lanes.

Star Trek: Cloaking technology.

Spokane: Denial.

Star Trek: The Bird of Prey.

Spokane: Personal watercraft.

Star Trek: To boldly go ….

Spokane: Stay home and post anonymous comments on blogs.

Star Trek: Tribbles.

Spokane: Marmots.

•Today’s Slice question: What’s the local equivalent of Godwin’s Law – which suggests that the first person in an argument to trot out a Hitler or Nazis analogy automatically loses?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. For previous Slice columns, see www.spokesman.com/ columnists. I’m declaring today Mary Beth Donelan Day.

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