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Community Comment

How to beat the heat (or at least use it)

Good morning, Netizens…

It is going to get Hot!

While I realize few of you arise from your beds as early as four in the morning, it is almost a “civilized” temperature at this hour of the day, as currently the temperature sits calmly at 61 degrees, a definite comparison to yesterday’s mid-90’s. Coming from my perspective, the only time the weather becomes news is when one of our local weather forecasters totally blows a forecast, or in this case, a summer heat wave settles into its lounge chair over the Inland Northwest for an unseasonably long period of time and we begin to cook.

Over the next week, perhaps even longer, the temperatures in Spokane are going to narrowly miss the century mark, and several days the Weather Bureau is predicting 100 degrees for the high. It is going to remain that way for most of two weeks.

I do distinctly recall last year laughing as I sank $600 in the form of an forced air air conditioning unit when we were upgrading our furnace, muttering something at the time about why bother. Last evening while the guests of the Virtual Ballroom, my wife and I were sitting in 70 degree comfort in the grand ballroom while it still was raging well over 90 degrees outside, it has ceased to be a joke.

All I have to do to appreciate having central air conditioning is step outside. Wham! Given my incredible age, and all the various health issues I face, suddenly sitting outside in the late afternoon 100 degree sunshine is no longer an option. However, after carefully considering various other choices, I believe I have a few select outdoor recreational activities for those who lack such amenities as air conditioning to better make use of the time.

Sidewalk cookery When the temperature climbs to the century mark, and cooking inside the house no longer seems like a reasonable option, carefully scrub off the sidewalk in front of your house and toss a few burgers onto the concrete. Add a few buns, condiments to taste and sit in your lawn chair, preferably in the shade, keeping a judicious eye on progress. After all, this is Spokane, where anything that isn’t locked, nailed down or otherwise secured may be subject to thieves’ desires.

Virtual Private Weather Center For the purposes of this plan, you must have a really dependable Internet connection and a copy of the latest version of the Virtual Lawn Chair software, the quintessential virtual networking software for Internet armchair addicts. Originally, I was intent upon a whirlwind trip to Juneau, Alaska, but since today’s Alaska temperatures will be nearing the mid-80’s, instead set your virtual private lawnchair to point at Ilulissat, Greenland, where today’s high will be 70-something. Sit back in your lawn chair and enjoy the ride. Remember, if your Internet connection drops for some unexplained reason, you may end up stranded on an iceberg somewhere.

Rent an iceberg When all else fails give Empire Cold Storage and Frosty Ice a call or drop by their web site at Rent an iceberg, dump it in the kid’s wading pond and make yourself at home.


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Spokesman-Review readers blog about news and issues in Spokane.

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