"There seems to be some confusion about the possible implications of the Gonzaga men’s basketball team winning the national championship, writes SR buddy Paul Turner, The Slice. "So let’s clear up a few misunderstandings."

• Q: If the Zags win it all, will that erase the burdensome outstanding balances on my credit cards?
• A: No, it won’t.
• Q: If GU goes all the way, will I suddenly find myself at my ideal weight?
• A: No. You’ll have to take care of that on your own.
• Q: If Gonzaga at least makes it to the Final Four, will my rotting roof magically heal itself?
• A: Probably not.
• More here.

Question: What magical thing will happen to you if Gonzaga wins the national title?