The Slice: Quizzical furballs have crazy queries

It’s time for another installment of Furry Talk, the interactive pets column that answers questions from Spokane-area dogs and cats.

As always, you wouldn’t believe the letters that arrive from Inland Northwest animals seeking advice.

To FT: “I am a 10-year-old tabby and you should see how far I can stretch out on hot days. It’s this special power I have. I go from being a regular-sized cat to extra-long. But is there any danger that one time I will stay that size permanently? I wouldn’t want that.” — Nervous on the North Side

Dear Nervous: No. All cats can do that. Try to stay out of the sun.

To FT: “My boy has cooked up this plan where, come September, he will declare me a ‘service dog’ and take me to class with him every day. I’m not a service dog, of course. But the real problem is that I don’t especially want to go to school. How can I derail this scheme without hurting my boy’s feelings?” — Concerned in Coeur d’Alene

Dear Concerned: Don’t worry. I have a hunch adults will intervene.

To FT: “I am a startlingly handsome South Hill feline named Hank. We live on a busy street, and apparently my seven predecessors all disappeared after something happened to them. Something bad, I think. What should I do to ensure that I enjoy a long reign?” — Henry the VIII

Dear Hank: Stay indoors. Irrefutable statistics show that indoor cats live longer, healthier lives.

To FT: “When I was a puppy, my girl was just a little kid. Now she’s practically a young woman. She’s really something. But it’s just about the end of the line for me. And I think she’ll need a new dog soon. How can I convince her that it’s OK, that I want her to have another canine companion after I’m gone?” — South Hill Shep

Dear Shep: She’ll figure that out someday. But for now and in the days to come, you’ll have to let her believe that there is only one dog in the world.

To FT: “I used to tell myself that I was big-boned. Now I’m ready to face facts. I’m a fat cat. But here’s the thing. My people get a lot of pleasure from feeding me snacks. And I don’t want to insult them by refusing to clean my bowl. What should I do?” — Too Much Tuna in Tekoa

Dear Tuna: Sounds like it will have to be up to you. Perhaps doling out a few head-butts and shin-rubs after you refuse the treats will train your people to give you pats instead of extra calories.

To FT: “I say the occasional bite or scratch builds character in human kittens. The lady who runs things at our house says it makes me a bad cat. Who’s right?” — Raised on Rough-housing

Dear ROR: You are. But this isn’t a debate you can win. So practice your hiding skills.

•Today’s Slice question: What is Spokane’s hidden talent?