The Slice: Wanted: One good lake monster

The Slice has been saying for years that what the Inland Northwest really needs is a decent lake monster.

After all, why should people living near Scotland’s Loch Ness or Lake Champlain in New England have all the fun?

I was reminded of this when I received an e-mail from my friend Tadashi Osborne. He said he had enjoyed the Slice’s recent list of movies that include the word “Lake” in the title. But he noted that I overlooked one of his favorite cheesy creature features, “The Crater Lake Monster.”

Here’s how one Web site summarizes that 1977 film: “A meteor that crashed into Oregon’s Crater Lake unearths a dinosaur egg. The heat from the meteor causes the egg to hatch, and the emerging dinosaur takes to snacking on the locals.”

See? That’s what I’m talking about. Why can’t something like that happen here?

Well, because it’s utterly ridiculous. That’s why.

But we can pretend.

So I am announcing The Slice’s Lake Monster Origin Story Contest.

Just come up with your own original explanation for how a mysterious and menacing creature came to inhabit one of the Inland Northwest’s lakes. Then write it down and get it to me by 5 p.m. on July 20.

Keep it brief. And be sure to include your daytime phone number.

There will be modest prizes.

Good luck.

Today’s Slice question: Speaking of watery terror … which of the following are not lines from the summertime classic “Jaws”? (The answers appear after The Slice’s contact info below.)

A) “This shark, swallow you whole.” B) “This is not a boat accident.” C) “Mrs. Mulwray, do you love your husband?” D) “That’s some bad hat, Harry.” E) “Somebody’s comin’, Pa!” F) “We need summer dollars.” G) “They call me MISTER Tibbs.” H) “Shut up, baby.” I) “You may want to let that breathe.”